1 Corinthians 7:8

Say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them to abide even as I. But if they cannot contain or exercise self-control, let them marry, for it is better to marry than to burn... For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband... But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us unto peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? Or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife? — 1 Corinthians 7:8-16

Marriage is God's lifelong creation, not a cultural arrangement to be redefined or discarded — and His word calls us to be transformed, not conformed.

A Challenging Book on a Timeless Problem

The book of 1 Corinthians is a challenging book, especially chapters 5, 6, and 7. In our last study, the first seven verses of chapter 7 showed us that those walking in singleness in Christ need the gifting of the Lord to remain pure with self-control, and those married also need His gifting to continue in marriage.

Marriage is an extremely important institution. It was created by God, and in an era like ours, where more than 50% of marriages end in divorce, instruction about the institution is as important as the institution itself. The culture of first-century Corinth was not all that different from the culture of twenty-first-century California. Not as much has changed in 2,000 years as we sometimes like to think. Marriage problems are not new; they were rampant in the church at Corinth, and Christians are not immune from such problems.

Because of these problems, some in Corinth seemed to be teaching that singleness was the answer — that if marriage brings problems, you might as well depart from your spouse. Paul did not endorse that view. He recognized that celibacy or singleness can be a good thing, understanding its benefits personally, but he also recognized the blessings of marriage. He wisely explained that some are gifted for singleness, but most are called and gifted to be married.

Paul Speaks to the Unmarried and Widows

In verse 7, Paul expressed a desire that the unmarried at Corinth would remain unmarried, seeing benefits in being single and serving the Lord. To those from a Jewish background, who believed being unmarried was a curse, this exhortation may have seemed odd. But Paul says singleness can be good from a very practical point of view.

How could Paul desire this, considering God created marriage for two to become one flesh? It becomes clear later in the chapter. Look at verse 28: "If you do marry, you have not sinned... Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you." In verse 29 he says, "The appointed time has grown very short." In verse 32, "I want you to be free from anxieties." The married man is concerned with how to please his wife, and his interests are divided; the same is true of the married woman. These worldly concerns are not bad things — that is simply the way it is — but Paul would have us as unencumbered and free from worldly entanglements as possible.

So in verse 8 he writes to the unmarried and the widows, "it is good for them to abide even as I" — an indication that Paul was himself single when he wrote this. The word widows is feminine and refers to women whose husbands had died and who were free to remarry. Verse 39 confirms this: "The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband lives, but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to marry to whom she will" — with one requirement, "only in the Lord." Yet Paul's desire was that they remain single and serve the Lord.

The Meaning of "Unmarried"

The word unmarried is harder to define. It is the Greek word agamos, used only four times in the New Testament, all here in 1 Corinthians 7. Gamos means married; adding the "A" prefix makes it negative — simply "not married." Most Bible teachers say it means a person who has never been married. However, verse 11 applies the same word to a person who has been divorced: "if she depart, let her remain unmarried." So here agamos seems to mean unmarried by reason of divorce.

This matters because of verse 9: "if they cannot contain or exercise self-control, let them marry." This creates apparent tension with Jesus' teaching in Matthew 19 and Mark 10, where remarriage after putting away a spouse is called adultery. We must work to understand both passages. Paul's teaching was that singleness is good, but not if you are not gifted with sexual self-control. If you cannot flee sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18), it would be plain foolish to stay in a state of burning passion. As Paul sees it, the least desirable situation is the person who patently needs marriage but compels themselves to remain unmarried, thinking it earns spiritual points. To be single does not make you more spiritual.

Better to Marry Than to Burn

The word burn is the Greek pyro — the idea is that it is better to get married than to burn with exceedingly great passion to the point of lust and desire.

But what about singles who have never been married, who feel marital desire, yet God has not brought them a spouse? Paul's exhortation in 2 Timothy 2:22 is important: "flee also youthful lusts" and "follow righteousness, faith, love, and peace with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart." Focus those intense desires into pursuing the fruit of the Spirit and surround yourself with others pursuing the same purity. Seek first the kingdom of God — seek not a spouse, seek the Lord — and in His timing He will bring what you desire. As we delight in Him, He gives us the desires of our hearts, and He would not allow that desire if He could not fill it.

God can even minister to your emotional and physical needs. In John 4, when the disciples brought Jesus food, He said, "My food is to do the will of Him who sent me." As we seek first Him and serve Him, God can minister to us at every level. So focus your desire on serving the Lord wholeheartedly, and He will return to you what is His desire for you.

To the Married: Stay Married

In verses 10 and 11, Paul speaks to those married within the body of Christ: "let not the wife depart from her husband. But if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband. And let not the husband put away his wife."

In Corinth there were married people who desired divorce. There are no doubt some in this room in that position today. We meet people who say they no longer need, want, or like marriage, who are convinced they made a mistake, or who feel they could be more useful to God if single. What does Paul say? Stay married. And he says this is not even his command but the Lord's. Where did Jesus say this? In Matthew 19:3-9 and Mark 10:2-12, Jesus brings us back to Genesis 2: a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. "What God has joined together, let no man separate."

Verse 11 does not say a departing spouse is free to depart. If a Christian disobeys and departs, two options remain: remain unmarried indefinitely, or be reconciled. The biblical teaching is clear. Marriage is for life, underwritten by God, and not to be tampered with by human beings. The bottom line for anyone considering divorce is this: don't consider it.

The Biblical Exceptions for Divorce

Now, many of you have a half-dozen exceptions in mind. Before we get there, we must see that God hates divorce. Malachi 2:16 cannot be clearer: "the Lord God of Israel says that he hates divorce." With that in mind, the exceptions are not grounds for immediate divorce but grounds for the allowance of divorce.

First, Matthew 19:9 gives the exception of fornication, sexual immorality, or adultery. Second, 1 Corinthians 7:39 shows that death dissolves marriage. Third, 1 Corinthians 7:15 shows that abandonment by an unbelieving spouse is grounds for the allowance of divorce. Those are the only three biblical exceptions: adultery, abandonment by an unbeliever, or death.

What about spousal or child abuse? The first thing I say is it is grounds to call the police — 911, they made it easy. You ought not put yourself in a dangerous position. Most of the time we are speaking to ladies, though there are guys beaten by their wives. The ultimate desire is that the abuser come to recognize their need for salvation and stop living contrary to God's commands. Call the police; don't wait. It scares me how often a woman waits and waits, thinking it will get better. Let the individual feel the weight of the law and realize what they are doing is criminal — before our culture and before God.

What about addictions to alcohol, drugs, or pornography? The Bible doesn't list those as grounds, and God can turn them around. Separation and divorce are final steps after every possible avenue has been wearied. They should always be seen as a failure of the flesh and sin, never God's will. People have told me, "It's God's will that we divorce." Show me that in the Scriptures. There is no biblical, legitimate reason apart from these — and "God told me" cannot stand against His word.

Asking the Better Questions

Rather than asking, "Can I divorce him or her for this?" why not ask, "Can I forgive? Can I reconcile? Can there be counseling? Can this be turned around for good?" Many people in our own church have seen God transform a broken marriage, and that transformation is an incredible witness to a culture that just says, "Get a divorce."

A quick Google search this week for the top ten reasons for divorce in America showed only one or two falling under legitimate biblical grounds. Mostly it's, "We don't love each other anymore," "We're not compatible," "irreconcilable differences" — what does that even mean? Marriage is under attack by the enemy because God created it as an illustration of the relationship He desires to have with man. The world is confused about marriage, but the Scriptures speak clearly.

A Believer Married to an Unbeliever

Verse 12: "But to the rest speak I, not the Lord. If any brother has a wife that believes not, and she is pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away." When Paul says "I, not the Lord," this confuses people — does it mean this passage isn't inspired? No. In verse 10 Paul cited a direct command of the Lord; here he is saying Jesus gave no specific revelation on this, but with apostolic authority Paul speaks, and it is still inspired.

Some in Corinth taught that a believer should not remain married to an unbeliever, perhaps extrapolating from Paul's teaching that a believer ought not marry an unbeliever. So they reasoned that if one spouse became a Christian, they should divorce the unbeliever to marry a Christian. Paul says that is not what I taught. If the unbelieving spouse is content to remain, do not divorce. Conversion cannot be used as an excuse for divorce.

The early church was accused of destroying families by divorcing over their newfound faith. Tertullian wrote of heathen husbands angry with their Christian wives for kissing the martyrs' bonds, embracing brothers and sisters, and meeting the needs of the poor. The husbands liked them better as pagans. So Paul says if the unbeliever is content to stay, the two ought not separate, "for the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife."

The Sanctifying Effect on Spouse and Children

Paul is not saying salvation is imparted to an unbeliever by the believer's faith. We are saved by grace through faith, individually. Rather, some believers feared they or their children would be spiritually defiled by an unbelieving family member. Paul says the opposite is true. When an unbeliever remains in marriage with a believer, the believer has an opportunity to be a great witness, and a sanctifying effect takes place.

It is much like Acts 16, where the Philippian jailer, after seeing Paul and Silas remain in the open prison, is told, "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you shall be saved, and your household." The household was not saved by proxy, but the jailer's faith inspired his family to believe as well. So a believing spouse's faith may inspire the faith of their husband or wife. John MacArthur compares it to a spouse receiving a huge inheritance — you had nothing to do with it and aren't even related to the giver, yet you receive the gift also.

The children are also affected. More than once I have talked with brokenhearted divorced believers who watch their children influenced by an unbelieving ex-spouse's worldliness. Remaining in the marriage offers a sanctifying opportunity. Salvation of the children is not assured, but the opportunity is great. Some of you came to faith because one believing parent's influence spiritually shaped your life. So if your unbelieving spouse desires to stay, remain there. A divorce ought never be initiated by the believer.

If the Unbeliever Departs

Verse 15: "But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us unto peace." The believer ought not be the initiator of separation, but if the unbeliever desires to leave, let them depart — the believer is not bound to remain.

In God's eyes the marriage bond is dissolved by death (1 Corinthians 7:39, Romans 7:2), by adultery (Matthew 5:32, 19:9), and by an unbeliever's abandonment. Where legitimate divorce occurs, remarriage is permitted. As MacArthur says, when divorce is permitted, remarriage is permitted. Why? Because God has called us to peace. To prop up a marriage where an unbelieving spouse simply wants to be done with you is not to live in the realm of peace.

"How Knowest Thou Whether Thou Shalt Save Thy Husband?"

Verse 16: "For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband?" Many teachers read this as a great hope — stay in the mixed marriage to be a witness and don't let that person go. The New Living Translation reads it that way: your husband might be converted because of you.

But there is another interpretation that flows more contextually: "If the unbelieving spouse departs, let them depart — do you think you are going to save them?" Many Christians have tried to hold a marriage together even when the unbeliever wanted out, but that seems to be against God's will here. A wife has no assurance she will save her husband; a husband has no assurance he will save his wife. Regardless of our motives and hopes, the likelihood of leading a partner with an antagonistic view of the gospel to Christ is minimal.

Marriage is not an evangelistic tool. This is vital for unmarried people considering marriage who think, "I know he's not a believer, but we love each other, and he'll become a believer." So many people I've met thought that and ended up burned. Missionary dating is a bad idea. Charles Spurgeon put it well: husbands, instead of trying to reform your wife, you'll find it more profitable to reform your wife's husband; wives, instead of reforming your husband, reform your husband's wife. God can bring about great transformation when we commit to that.

Don't Be Squeezed Into the World's Mold

We cannot skip passages like this because they are difficult or convicting. We approach them with humble, teachable hearts. We are reminded of the importance of marriage — not created by man or merely for man's pleasure, but to glorify God and to witness the relationship He desires with man. It is a lifelong union of one man and one woman. Great sadness is involved in separation and divorce, but God can restore a marriage that is breaking or even broken. He created marriage; He certainly can rebuild one falling apart. And what an awesome witness that is to a world that says, "Get out, get a lawyer" — you can even get a divorce for $32 online.

Once again, this passage reminds us that we have been influenced by our culture and need to be renewed in the spirit of our minds. Sometimes, honestly, it ticks us off. We don't realize we even have a culture until ours is stepped on by another — and as people influenced by the world come before the culture of God's kingdom and word, we get challenged.

Romans 12:1-2: "I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies as living sacrifices... and be not conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." The Phillips translation reads, "Do not let the world around you squeeze you into its own mold, but let God remold your minds from within, so that you may prove in practice that the plan of God is for your good."

Many of us have been squeezed into the world's mold. As we will see next week in verse 20, "Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called." If God called you married, remain married; if single, remain single until He changes the course of your calling. Don't seek to be loosed if bound; don't seek a wife if loosed — a hard word for a culture that entertains itself with shows like The Bachelorette. We need to be transformed so the world, looking at the church, sees an example of what marriage is all about. Marriage doesn't need to be redefined; it needs to be redeemed.

Closing Prayer

Father, I pray that we would be transformed, that our minds would be remolded from the inside out, that we would prove in practice what is pleasing to You, what is right and just. Father, help us recognize where we have been influenced by this world, and to recognize that when our understanding is not in line with Your word, our understanding is wrong — and that we would be willing to be wrong, that we might understand and know what You have called us to and how we are to live, that we would shine as lights in a dark world. For we ask this in Jesus' name. Amen.