1 Corinthians 13:4

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not love, I am become as a sounding brass and a clanging cymbal... Love suffers long and is kind. Love envies not, it vaunts not itself, it is not puffed up. It does not behave itself unseemly. It seeks not its own. It is not easily provoked. It thinks no evil. It rejoices not in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails... And now abide faith, hope, and love. These three, but the greatest of these is love.

The most comprehensive description of love in Scripture is not a feeling but a list of things love actually does.

A Description of Love, Not a Definition

We began our study in 1 Corinthians 13 last week, looking only at the first three verses, which speak of the emptiness of lovelessness. As we come to verses 4 through 7, we find the most comprehensive biblical description of the fullness of love. I call it a description, not a definition, because while it is the fullest description of love in the New Testament, it is still only a part of what love is and not the whole.

In verses 4 through 7 we see fifteen characteristics, virtues, or facets of love. If you count the first few words of verse 8, you could say there are sixteen. This passage is awesome and beautiful. It has been posted on t-shirts, bumper stickers, cards, and calendars. It is spoken at weddings—even weddings of people who care little for the Bible—and taught in public schools as great, poetic literature.

If you examine these facets in the original language, you find each one is in the verbal form in the Greek. They focus not so much on what love is as on what love does. This is that agape love, translated "charity" in the King James and "love" in most other English versions. It is not abstract or passive but active. It does not simply feel patience; it practices patience. It does not simply have kind feelings; it does kind things. It does not merely recognize the truth; it rejoices in the truth and actively sends it forth.

Love Is an Action, Not Merely a Feeling

In our culture, love is mostly about feelings. Ask people to describe love and they will speak of their emotions. But love as a biblical concept and an attribute of God's character is an action—something that is done. So 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 is not merely instructive about love; it is instruction for how we ought to love.

At the outset we must confess that none of us in this room can put our own name in place of "love" in this passage and say, "Josh suffers long and is kind," or "Scott does not behave rudely or think evil." None of us measure up. But Jesus is the fullness of the perfection of these things, and we who are in Christ have Christ in us, who glorifies His love through us. This is the fruit, the evidence of the Spirit of God dwelling in us—not spiritual gifts. The first three verses make that clear: you can have gifts, sacrificial giving, tongues, prophecy, knowledge, wisdom, and faith, yet have not love and therefore have not God.

Paul selected these particular facets for the Corinthians because they were failing in them. They were not patient, not kind, not loving. Before we point the finger, we must take a step back—we are not these things either. But we should seek to be, and the longer we walk with Christ, these things ought to become evident in us. These qualities are not instantly perfected; they begin at the new birth as a conviction given by the Holy Spirit. In our own strength we cannot manufacture them. It has to be the expression of God living through us. We cannot honestly say, "I don't like you, but I love you because I have to." That simply does not work; we must let that go.

Love Suffers Long

Paul begins, "Love suffers long," or, in most newer translations, "Love is patient." The Greek word for patience here deals primarily with patience toward people, not toward circumstances or events. This is important, because we have an amazing propensity to be patient in difficult situations while struggling to be patient with difficult people. Many of you right now are enduring hard circumstances—losing your house, your job, your savings, difficulty at work or in marriage—and you are patiently enduring. That is good. But you can spend an entire year in a difficult situation, and yet five minutes in a certain person's presence makes you want to kill somebody. The body of Christ is filled with difficult people, and God placed them in your life and mine for that very purpose—to transform us into the image of His Son.

One early Christian writer said this is the word used of a man who is wronged and has it easily in his power to avenge himself, but will never do it. Patience does not retaliate. This is strictly a Christian concept; it was not considered a virtue in the Greek Hellenistic worldview. Aristotle said the great Greek virtue is the refusal to tolerate any insult and the readiness to strike back at any hurt. Yet Jesus said:

You have heard that it has been said... an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. But I say unto you that you resist not evil, but whosoever shall smite thee on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.

That is difficult in our culture. The fastest growing sport in America is mixed martial arts, because we make heroes of people who strike back. Our flesh thrives on it, just as the first-century Roman world thrived on the rise of the gladiators. We must recognize that this is virtuous in our culture but not in the kingdom of God, where something almost completely opposite is exalted.

Patience as the Expression of Mercy

The Greek word literally means to be long-tempered or slow to anger. It reminds me of one of my favorite passages, Exodus 34:6, where God proclaims His name to Moses:

The Lord, the Lord God, merciful and gracious, slow to anger...

This long-suffering is an expression of mercy—not giving the person who wronged you what you believe they deserve. God is, by nature, merciful and slow to anger. Paul tells the wicked in Romans 2:4 not to despise the riches of God's goodness, forbearance, and long-suffering. How many of you are thankful that God has been long-suffering in your life?

The Old Testament is a testimony of God's patience. We may read about flaming destruction falling on cities in a few pages, but what we read in three or four pages often spanned hundreds or thousands of years—God patiently sending righteous prophets calling people to turn to Him before judgment finally came. There is an appointed day of wrath, but God is patient. As 2 Peter 3:9 says, "The Lord is not slack concerning His promises... but He is long-suffering toward us, not willing that any should perish."

Jesus is the picture of patience. On the cross He had all power to call twelve legions of angels. The nails were not holding Him there—He held Himself there. People mocked Him, yet His near-last words were, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." And lest we say, "That's Jesus, that's God," consider Stephen in Acts 7:60, who while being stoned cried, "Lord, lay not this sin to their charge." Paul begs us in Ephesians 4:1 to walk in lowliness, meekness, and long-suffering, knowing that in Christ we can.

Consider Abraham Lincoln. A man named Stanton became his outspoken enemy, calling him "the low, cunning clown" and "the original gorilla." Yet when Lincoln formed his cabinet, he chose Stanton as his war minister, saying simply, "Because he's the best man for the job." The night the assassin's bullet took Lincoln's life, Stanton was found weeping over his body, saying, "There lies the greatest ruler man has ever known." He could not accept Lincoln's politics, but he could not resist Lincoln's patience.

Love Is Kind

If patience is the expression of mercy, kindness is the expression of grace. Patience does not give an individual what they deserve; kindness gives them what they certainly do not deserve. Jesus describes it best in Matthew 5:44: "Love your enemies." He is not speaking of warm-hearted affection but of action—"bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, pray for them that despitefully use and persecute you." To bless is to meet their practical needs, not merely to say "God bless you" while holding a brick.

The word translated "kind" here is used only once in the New Testament, but its root appears often. Jesus uses it of Himself in Matthew 11:30: "My yoke is easy"—my yoke is kind, it is good. It is used of the Father in Luke 6:35, that He "is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil." Romans 2:4 says the goodness of God leads to repentance. We think the way to get someone to repent is to berate them with God's wrath, but it is His kindness that draws us. When His wrath is exalted we realize we deserve all His punishment—but His kindness says, "Yes, you deserve it, but I placed it upon Jesus so you could be saved."

Paul uses this word to exhort us in Ephesians 4:32: "Be you kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God, for Christ's sake, has forgiven you." Long-suffering endures the injuries of others; kindness pays them back only with good deeds. God is kind even to His enemies—He makes the sun rise on the evil and the good. He is kind; we ought also to be kind.

Love Does Not Envy

Love does not envy. The Greek word means to burn with zeal, to be heated to a boil with envy, which leads to hatred and anger. Another word for envy is jealousy, and there are really two kinds. There is the surface jealousy that looks at what others have—their house, car, job, looks—and says, "I want that." But there is a deeper, viler jealousy that Proverbs 14:30 calls "the rottenness of the bones." It looks at what someone has and says, "I don't necessarily want it; I just don't want them to have it." William Barclay called this "the meanness of the soul."

It is pictured perfectly in 1 Kings 3, when two women came before Solomon claiming one child. Solomon called for a sword to divide the baby. The true mother cried, "O my Lord, give her the child, and in no ways slay it." But the other said, "Let it be neither mine, nor hers, divide it"—the rottenness of the bones. Solomon knew instantly which was the rightful mother.

Jealousy is at the heart of so much sin: the sin of Eve, the sin of Cain against Abel, the sin of Joseph's brothers, and the conspiracy of the religious leaders against Jesus. James 3:14-16 says that where bitter envying and strife exist, this wisdom is not from above but earthly, sensual, and devilish, "for where envying and strife is, there is confusion, and every evil work."

How Can God Be a Jealous God?

You may ask, if every evil work stems from jealousy, how can God be called a jealous God in Exodus, Deuteronomy, and dozens of other places? This very question pushed Oprah Winfrey away from the church. At twenty-five, sitting in a Baptist church, she heard a preacher speak of God's jealousy and thought, "If God is jealous of me, there's a problem." And she's right—God is not in heaven envying her mansion in Santa Barbara.

But that is not what it means. God is not jealous of us; He is jealous for us. He yearns jealously for our affection, not because He is needy, but because humanity is at its best and most satisfied only when it is satisfied in Him. He knows we find our fullest in Him. So when He sees us seeking satisfaction in the things of this world, He says, "That's not it; it's only found in Me." His jealousy is ultimately for our good.

Love Vaunts Not Itself

Love "vaunts not itself"—an old word meaning to boast or praise excessively. This is immediately followed by "love is not puffed up," and we might think Paul is restating himself, but these are two different things. The boasting is the verbal declaration of pride—the hot air that comes out of the boaster's mouth. The arrogance, or being puffed up, is the inner oven that heats that hot air. Arrogance is the internal conceit; boasting is what flows out of it.

C.S. Lewis called boasting "the utmost evil," the essential vice at the very essence of man. Those are heavy words, because in our culture boasting is a virtue. We Americans are known the world over for it. We call our nation the greatest on God's green earth and boast of our achievements, possessions, and way of life. I'm thankful God has blessed us, but we should recognize we are a nation of boasters.

We are also a culture that builds this into our children. We're told to do everything we can to uplift their self-esteem so they go out professing how great they are—in essence, to become good boasters. We blow hot air into them like hot air balloons so they will rise and excel. But if you puff your children up this way, expect to keep blowing more hot air in, because the moment you stop, they come crashing down.

We are seeing this in the millennial generation. Many were told they would change the world, yet they step into a hard world and cannot even find a job, and they crash into depression. It is far better to teach our children to fly high on the wings of godly character and an honest estimation of who they are in Christ, because then they will fly higher and travel further, unaffected by the loss of hot air or the shifting of winds.

Love Is Not Puffed Up

Boasting is actually geared to hurt other people; it is focused on making the boaster stand out while making others look inferior. John MacArthur said it is the desire to make somebody else envy—a double sin, because it makes another jealous and so makes your brother stumble. Paul says in Galatians 6:3, "If any man thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself." This does not mean an inferiority complex; we find our value in Christ, and a proper view of ourselves is helpful.

Pride is seen in our culture as a supreme value. When I was in middle school marching band, I remember almost nothing we played, but we were required to memorize the definition of pride: "a justifiable appreciation of one's worth, abilities, and high ideals." Twenty years later that is all I remember. Pride is exalted as a virtue and manifested in boasting—and it was once said that an empty truck makes the most noise.

What our culture exalts, Scripture calls an abominable sin that God hates. Proverbs 6:16-17 lists a proud look first among the things the Lord hates. Proverbs 16:18 says, "Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall." Proverbs 29:23, "A man's pride shall bring him low." Our culture says pride lifts you to great heights; Scripture says it brings you low. What Scripture exalts instead is humility: "Humble yourself in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up." If you want to be chief among men, make yourself a servant of all.

Love Does Not Behave Rudely

Love "does not behave itself unseemly"—love is not rude. It does not behave in an unbecoming manner; love has good manners. Poor manners and rudeness are manifested when we essentially say, "I could care less how this affects you; I will do what I want." John MacArthur says love is never rude because it is always aware of how its actions affect others. William Barclay said there is a graciousness in Christian love that never forgets that courtesy, tact, and politeness are lovely things.

You can have great doctrine and all the answers to tough theological questions and still be a pharisaical fathead with no grace, no tact, no courtesy, no love—and therefore be nothing. Your answers become meaningless. People will say, "I love you, brother, but..." and then proceed to tell you what a heretic you are. I've had someone call me a heretic twice in the last six months—"I love you, brother." Those are empty, vain words when rudeness is attached.

We need to watch ourselves especially toward unbelievers, because we have a tendency to justify rudeness toward people who are not Christians. It shows up as thoughtless unkindness—plain rudeness, which is lovelessness. Jesus loved at all times, and Proverbs 17:17 says a friend loves at all times. I want to be known, as Jesus was, as a friend of sinners. That does not mean indulging in their sin, but that they recognize they can actually talk with you. In our chaplain work over the years, we get around worldly people who drop the F-bomb and talk about things we would not talk about, and we can become exceedingly rude—"How dare you, wicked wretch." Being light in the darkness does not mean a laser of condemnation. There is a time for sound doctrine in discussion, but when someone has just lost a loved one, it is not the time to say, "Well, it's because of sin."

Love Seeks Not Its Own

Love "seeks not its own"—it is not self-seeking. This is key to all the previous ones, because if you are going to be patient, kind, and free of jealousy, boasting, arrogance, and rudeness, you are going to have to die to yourself. Paul petitioned the Philippians to be like-minded, doing nothing through strife or vainglory, but in lowliness of mind esteeming others better than themselves, looking not on their own things but on the things of others.

Paul models this in 1 Corinthians 10:23-24: "All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient... let no man seek his own, but every man another's well-being." Whatever we do, we are to do all to the glory of God, giving no offense, not seeking our own profit but the profit of many that they may be saved. He exhorts the church in 1 Corinthians 12:25 that there be no schism in the body, but that the members have the same care one for another. And remember our Lord's words in Mark 10:44-45: "Whosoever of you will be chief, shall be servant of all, for even the son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many."

Love Is Not Easily Provoked

Finally, love "is not easily angered" or provoked—it does not suddenly burst out. Barclay said it never gets upset or irritated. That convicts me; I have that one down for about a second and a half before I'm irritated again.

There are things that should anger us. Those things that anger God should anger us; we should be angry for the right reasons and respond in the right way. You cannot really live the Christian life without some anger—at what Satan does, at your own flesh, at what defiles God's word and truth. That is righteous indignation. But the right response is to bring it to God in prayer and remember that He says, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay." Ephesians 4:26 says, "Be angry, and sin not; let not the sun go down upon your wrath, neither give place to the devil." Be angry at the things that anger God, but remember that vengeance and wrath are His. One woman said, "I lose my temper, but it's all over in a minute," to which her pastor replied, "So is an atomic bomb."

A Winsome Love That Draws People

All these descriptions—patient, kind, free of envy and boasting, not arrogant, not rude, not self-seeking, not easily provoked—are descriptions of Jesus. As we are in Christ and He dwells in us, these things should be evident through us to the world and to one another. His kindness, His patience, His love are winsome; they draw people to Him. As His body, we should draw people too.

Yet so many are repelled by the church, because the church is very good at saying, "You're all this, you're all that, you're all going to hell." Within a week after September 11, 2001, Eric, Rick Kiersted, Mark Cato, and I were on the ground in New York City. We saw people standing on ladders and buckets yelling, "Turn or burn! You're all going to die! Judgment is coming!"—all truth, presented with rudeness, a clanging cymbal. People crossed to the other side of the road, wanting nothing to do with them. It was very effective at starting a fight. You tell hurting people who watched their friends jump from the buildings, "Repent," and how do you think they will respond? Love bears all things—it is patient, kind, and winsome.

Closing Prayer

Father, I am so struck by those words, "Love never fails," because I am convicted by the fact that I fail. I fail to be kind and patient. I fail when I envy, when I boast, when I'm rude, when I seek my own, when I'm easily provoked. God, I fail, and I come to you asking that you would forgive me. Thank you for your forgiveness, for your long-suffering kindness. Would you work in me, by your Spirit and by your word, to fulfill these things, that you would be honored and glorified. We thank you for your word; it is living and powerful, sharper than any two-edged sword, and it is good, because it cuts out of us those things that are disgraceful and dishonoring to you. Work this into us, your church. We pray this in Jesus' name. Amen.