1 Corinthians 13:7

Love suffers long and is kind... It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. But whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away... And now abide faith, hope, and love, these three; but the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13)

What does Christian love actually look like when someone offends you, hurts you, or fails you?

The Lens of Christian Love

For our last two studies, and now this final one, we have been looking at the virtues, or characteristics, of Christian love—because the love we see in our world today is not often characteristic of Christian love. We need it described for us. What does it really mean when we are told to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and to love our neighbor as ourselves? What is the Rosetta Stone by which we translate what love is, the lenses through which we should look? 1 Corinthians 13, especially verses 4 through 7, gives us that lens.

We have already looked at most of the characteristics of love. Now we come to the five final characteristics, and as I mentioned two weeks ago, these things fit together as one unit. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things, and then love never fails.

A Word About Norway

Before we jump into verse 7, I think it is important to address something very big in the news since Friday. You have seen what took place in Norway—a domestic terrorist attack where the death toll now stands at about 92. Immediately people said it had to be related to Al-Qaeda and Islamic terror, yet it wasn't long before we learned that was not the case.

Yesterday, in the New York Times, I read that the suspect left behind a detailed manifesto calling for a Christian war to defend Europe against Muslim domination, and that he identified himself as a fundamentalist Christian. We need to recognize that this man and his actions are so far from Christianity that it almost makes me want to hurl. The Christian community should have no problem denouncing what he has done. It is so not Christian. It doesn't fall in line in any way with what is described here as Christian love.

God describes Himself most simply as love, and Paul says it is the love of God that constrains and compels us to share the gospel. Jesus told Pilate in John 18, "If My kingdom were of this world, then My servants would fight; but My kingdom is not of this world." We love that trendy slogan—"not of this world"—on pants, hats, shirts, and bumper stickers. But what does it mean? It means what this man did has nothing to do with Christianity or Christ.

Since this will be talked about this week in your workplace, school, or wherever you go, the church should clearly and boldly declare that he is no more Christian than this microphone. He does not speak for Christ. He has perhaps taken a few verses way out of context, but he is not a Christian in any way. What should identify us as Christians is not something we say on a website, but what is clearly identifiable in the way we live. Jesus said, "They will know that you are My disciples by your love."

Love Bears All Things

None of us perfectly fulfills this, as we have said throughout. But we seek that God would make it a reality in our lives. Verse 7 says that love bears all things. This word means to cover with silence, to protect or preserve by covering. Genuine love never finds joy in dragging someone's dirty laundry out for all to see.

Yet there is a twisted sickness in us that thrives on bringing people's failures and weaknesses out for others to see, because it distracts attention from us and puts it on them, and in our depravity we feel better. We can identify it at a very young age. With one child you might wrongly assume your child is practically perfect; add another and you realize very quickly they are not. Hardly a day goes by that Ethan doesn't come out and say, "Addison's jumping on the bed." Now I know very well Ethan was jumping too, but something in him wants to come tell me she's doing it.

Love makes provision for people's weaknesses and seeks to shelter them from scorn. It would never uncover someone's nakedness or weakness for a laugh or to fulfill that inner sickness. If I hear that someone is gossiping about me, I know one thing for certain: they do not love me. They may say, "I'm sharing this because I love him; we need to pray," but they are gossiping, and they do not love me.

When Love Must Confront

This does not mean we make provision for unrepentant sin without consequence. There is a time for rebuke and censure. In 1 Corinthians 5, an individual in the Corinthian church was continuing in open, unrepentant sin, and Paul said the church was to expose and reprove him, setting him outside the fellowship until he repented. When someone is obstinate, there is a time for reproof.

Bearing all things does not mean the battered wife puts up with her husband's sin, or that a subordinate covers the unethical behavior of a superior, or that churches sweep the sin of their leaders under the rug. Love is not shoved around without dignity. It does mean that love, out of regard for the real value of another person, will do everything it can to cover and suppress that person's sin, reluctant to drag a scandal out before everybody—because our wicked heart desires that scandal.

We see this in politics, right and left, where people are just looking for the failings of someone—willing that they would be caught in adultery or bribery. That is actually hatred. Proverbs 10:12 says, "Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all sins." Peter picks this up in 1 Peter 4:8: love "shall cover a multitude of sins." How thankful we are that God's love covers our sins, removing them as far as the east is from the west.

This is why it is not right for a leader to chastise someone publicly for a minor failing. There is a time for reproof, but it should follow the biblical process: one-on-one first; then, if not received, with another witness; then before the church leadership; and only then, if still unrepentant, openly. We in Western culture could learn something from Eastern, face-based cultures that seek not to shame a person before everyone. It is likewise mean-spirited—an abuse of authority—to embarrass a child by punishing them in front of others, because that is not how our Father in heaven deals with us.

Those of us who are married know better than anyone the blind spots and vulnerabilities of our spouse. If you love them, you will not air that to your closest friends. There is a way to strategically ask people to pray—"Would you please pray for my spouse?"—without details. But we have a way of saying, "I've just got to tell the story; you've got to understand." No, you don't. Love bears all things and covers another person's nakedness. Don't uncover it for others to see.

Love Believes All Things

Again, we must recognize what this does not mean. It does not mean we believe everything indiscriminately—that when someone comes to our door sharing another gospel, we tolerate and believe it. We use proper Christian sensibility and discrimination about truth and error, all within proper biblical boundaries.

What it means is that love does not walk with suspicion. It is not eager to denounce, not cynical, and it believes the best in people. This is hard, because we rarely give the benefit of the doubt. When someone injures or offends us, our flesh assumes they did it with malice, on purpose.

Most of us have cut someone off while driving, made a stupid mistake by accident, and gotten honked at. When that happens to me, I just go, "I'm sorry, that was a mistake." The reality is, most of us are not driving down the road thinking, "I'm going to cut that guy off." It's not NASCAR. Most offensive or hurtful things people do are not done with malice. How many times have people said or done something that offended me, and when I confronted them, they had no idea—"I'm sorry."

It just isn't normal behavior to spitefully injure people we love. Nobody sat down and calculated how to tick Miles off today. So if someone loves me and has hurt me, I seek to give them the benefit of the doubt and say, "They probably didn't mean it." Do you know how much anxiety this does away with almost instantly? Just let it go, because love believes the best.

You see this most clearly in moms, who believe the best in their children. Tell a mother her son did this and that, and she says, "My son would never do that." We call it a blind spot and a weakness, but I would much rather err on the side of grace—and I am so thankful God errs on the side of grace with us. The Bible says our adversary stands before the throne of God constantly accusing us, the accuser of the brethren. Aren't you thankful that when he accuses, God isn't up there saying, "Gosh, really? I'll have to look into that"?

So I endeavor as a husband to Andrea, as a father to Ethan and Addison and soon Caitlin—we just found out last week it's a little girl—and in my leadership in the body of Christ to believe the best and give the benefit of the doubt. If I had to identify the one thing I learned above all else from our former pastor, Pat Kinney, it is this: he was gracious. He gave people the benefit of the doubt.

Our flesh says that is foolish—you're setting yourself up to get hurt. As our former president almost said, "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me." That is our cynical mindset: they only get one chance. You might be right; you might get hurt. This self-sacrificing love makes you vulnerable. But at the end of the day, I would rather be like Jesus than Jonah, who sat overlooking Nineveh, willing that God would destroy them because he didn't love them. On the cross Jesus prayed, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." Were they ignorant? They were crucifying Him! Yet He chose to believe the best. One author said, "Love is a harbor of trust for those who are doubted by everyone else."

Love Hopes All Things

When you have borne all things, and believed the best until you feel you cannot do it any longer, you come to the place where you hope all things. John MacArthur said love is hopelessly optimistic; it refuses to take failure as final. Why? Because as long as the grace of God is operative, human failure is never final—and last time I checked, God's grace is still in operation. How do I know? We're all still alive.

Love waits for the redemption of another with joy and full confidence that God can and will bring it about. This is illustrated in the prodigal son, whose father went out every single day to wait for his return. His other son, his wife, his servants no doubt asked why he kept going—"He's been gone two years; he's not coming back." But he went out because he loved his son. Having borne the grief of his leaving, having believed the best, having come to the place where his son still hadn't returned, he hoped: "God, would You bring him back?" Love hopes all things, constantly reminding itself that with God nothing shall be impossible.

Love Endures All Things

The word "endure" is a military term. It pictures love positioned in the midst of the most intense and epic battle—no way out—yet pressing on, standing against all opposition. Love bears bravely and calmly through the battle without retreating, receding, or failing.

You are probably thinking, "That's just not me. I can't do that." That's where my mind goes too. But Mark 10:27 tells us, "With men it is impossible, but with God all things are possible." That phrase "all things" is the exact same word repeated four times in 1 Corinthians 13:7—bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. All those things you say you can't do, with God are possible.

Why? Because of the first three words of verse 8: love never fails. Love has borne, believed, hoped, and endured, and even when still disappointed, it hangs in there, because it never fails. We do fail, and we rightly confess, "God, this is impossible for me." But we should immediately recognize, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."

Five Things to Take Home

First, love is commanded. It is not merely suggested. "Love the Lord your God... love your neighbor as yourself." Jesus said in John 15:17, "These things I command you, that you love one another."

Second, love is possible. Romans 5:5 says God by His Holy Spirit has shed His love abroad in our hearts. He has poured His love into us. God does not give frivolous commands we cannot fulfill by His power—not in our own strength, for with men it is impossible.

Third, this love is the normal Christian life. First John 4:7 says, "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God." If you are born of God, you will love. That tells us the man in Norway is not a Christian and does not know God—he has no love for his neighbor, no love for the lost Muslim who needs Christ. Verse 8 says, "He that loves not knows not God; for God is love." God's love was manifested in sending His only begotten Son into the world, the propitiation for our sins. If God so loved us, we ought to love one another.

Fourth, it is a work of God's Spirit. The fruit of the Spirit is love, manifested in joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, and self-control—but singularly, it is love.

Fifth, we need to practice it. Let me tell you a little secret: you will have an opportunity, probably before you leave the parking lot at Calvary Chapel Escondido, to exercise it. A volitional choice comes before us. Will I default to my flesh, which is not loving, or will I choose to operate in the Spirit of God by His power, extending grace to the person who offends me—the one who cuts me off, says something unkind, or doesn't even say hello?

The world that does not know God will know that we know God by our love—not by a "not of this world" bumper sticker or pants, not by a Christian t-shirt or our profile on Facebook or Twitter. They will know we follow Jesus by how we love. Would to God that when an event like Norway happens and the world looks at that man's 1,500-page manifesto about a Christian crusade, they would say, "That guy's no Christian—those over there are the Christians," instead of saying, "See, that's what we always thought of them."

Hebrews 11, the hall of faith, says of those who followed God that "God was not ashamed to be called their God." That implies there is a kind of person God is ashamed to be called the God of—the one who says, "I'm a Christian," but doesn't represent any of this. May the Lord not be ashamed to be called our God.

Closing Prayer

Lord, I confess that in and of myself I am an unloving person. When I see the standard of love described here, I recognize that I am not this. But Father, I thank You that You yet love me, and You have called me and my brothers and sisters here, and saved us by the demonstration of Your love through the death of Your Son. And Jesus, You have filled us with Your Spirit and shed Your love abroad in our hearts, so we have the capacity to do what Your word requires—to love one another and to love You.

I pray that this body of believers, Calvary Chapel Escondido, would be known as those who display Your love in recognizable, tangible ways—not because we have a bumper sticker, but because our behavior mirrors Yours, so that when they see us, they see You. We know that in the last days the love of many would grow cold, but may our love burn bright and hot for You, for one another, and for those who don't know You. We ask this in Jesus' name. Empower us by Your Spirit. Amen.