Genesis 1:1

The woman saw that the tree was good for food and delightful to look at, and that it was desirable for obtaining wisdom. So she took some of its fruit and she ate it. She also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate it... So the Lord God called out to the man and said to him, where are you?... And the man replied, the woman you gave to me, she gave me some fruit from the tree and I ate. So the Lord God asked the woman, what have you done? And the woman said, the serpent deceived me and I ate. (Genesis 3:6–13)

On Father's Day, a look at what God, the prodigal's father, and a desperate dad teach us about leading our children to repentance and restoration in Christ.

The Office of Father

It is Father's Day, and we're going to talk about fathers and the roles and responsibilities that go with being one. But the office of father is not the biology of fatherhood. It is not merely the ability to create children that makes you a father. The office of father is the sacred duty of raising and training those entrusted to us so they have the opportunity to develop a lifelong, successful relationship with Jesus—so that they, in turn, do the same for those God entrusts to them. To simplify: fathers are called to raise Christians who raise Christians.

As fathers, our outlook needs to be both eternal and temporal—meeting the temporal needs of our families with an eternal mindset. Scripture tells us that marriage illustrates spiritual principles useful even for those who are not married. Fatherhood does the same. Just because you're not a dad doesn't mean you can't learn from what God teaches about fatherhood. Mentors, big brothers and sisters, adoptive parents, step-parents—they all swim in the same pool. So when I say "father," it is specific to dads, but it also applies to you as a follower of Jesus Christ. Moms, no sleeping on this.

We will look at three examples in Scripture: God in the Garden of Eden, the prodigal son, and the father who came to Jesus with his demon-possessed son.

God in the Garden: A Perfect Father, Failing Children

In Genesis 1, 2, and 3, we see God create a perfect, sin-free environment. He placed Adam and Eve in a structure with rules and limits, gave them everything they needed, gave them a mission, gave them the opportunity to fail, let them feel the consequences of their failure, and made a way for them to return to a right relationship with Him afterward.

So, with a perfect environment under the direct instruction of God Himself, how did it play out? They had one rule, and they managed to break it. Remember that when your kids, your spouse, your boss, your employee, your neighbor—even the guy on the freeway—when they fail: failure is the default for humans. Ever since we had the opportunity to fail, we have failed. Don't be shocked when your kids fail. Adam and Eve failed, and they had God, the perfect Father, as their Father. Why would we expect a better track record than God?

The consequences were dire. It changed their image of themselves—suddenly they were ashamed of their nakedness, something that had not been a concept before. It made them afraid of the One who loved them most; suddenly they were hiding from God. They learned to hide their behavior and to blame others for their actions. It separated them emotionally, spiritually, and physically from their Heavenly Father. Hiding, shame, blaming others—does this sound like modern family dynamics?

Free Choice and the Work of Restoration

Why did this come about? Because God allowed them free choice. Sometimes as fathers we try to eliminate every poor or dangerous choice from our kids' lives. The desire to protect and defend leads us to limit and remove certain choices, and that's done out of love and a desire to keep them safe. Those are good things. But we have to be careful not to eliminate the possibility of failure completely—because the story of Adam and Eve tells us that even with a perfect Father, kids are going to mess up.

The greater task of a father is to make a way for repentance and restoration. We have a tendency to live in the role of lawgiver and judge while neglecting the role of restorer. This is point one: God is in the business of restoration, and He is calling us to do that same work.

The Prodigal Son: When Was He Lost?

The first New Testament example is the prodigal son, found in Luke 15:11–32. A father has two sons. The younger wants his inheritance, and he wants it right now. Generally you get your inheritance when someone dies, so this request is insulting, immature, and ugly all wrapped into one—yet the father gives it to him. The younger son runs off with the cash, goes far away, and parties like a rock star until the money is gone.

Was this out of character for this son, or had he been a handful for a while? And when was he actually lost—when he left, or was leaving just a symptom of where his heart already was? The money runs out and he hires himself out to feed pigs—not a kosher choice for a first-century Jewish family. No parent wants to see their kids suffer or make sinful choices, but here's the secret: they are going to make sinful choices and bad decisions, just like us. Our desire to keep them from sin can lead us to go from parenting into prison guarding. We want success so badly for our kids, but our nature is failure. That's why we have to learn to teach repentance and reconciliation. The charge is to lead our kids to Jesus—and they won't find Him until they need Him.

Conduct Speaks Louder Than Words

Life gets so bad that the son looks at the pigs' slop and thinks it would be a step up. What is the father doing during this time? I'm betting he's watching and praying. That's our role as parents of adult or soon-to-be-adult children—much of it shifts to watching and praying. That's why the time, the training, and especially the modeling when they're younger matters so much, because what we do then frames how they see life later.

But when he came to himself... (Luke 15:17)

He wakes up. He remembers his father's house, his father's conduct, his father's witness, his father's example, and he has a heart change. He decides to go home and become a servant, saying to himself that he's no longer worthy to be a son. Remember, that's the son's opinion—and from Genesis we learned that sin changes our image of ourselves. Why does he want to go back as a servant? Because his father treats his servants better than the world treats him.

This is point two: your conduct will speak louder than your words in the minds and the memory of your children. I remember what my dad did far more than what he said. I remember that he was super generous—if anyone needed something, he'd give them the shirt off his back. He never told me that; I watched it.

A Son's Return, Not a Servant's

The son heads home, and while he is still far off, his father sees him—because he is looking for him. He runs to him and kisses him. The father's compassion leads him to treat his son with love and not judgment. The son tries to make his case about being a servant, but the father celebrates a son's return, not a servant's. There's no lingering judgment, no suspicion, no speech about the evils of his past—just joy at his repentance. This is our highest calling: to work toward reconciliation and repentance with those God entrusts to us.

Or do you despise the riches of his kindness, restraint and patience? Not recognizing that God's kindness is intended to lead you to repentance. (Romans 2:4)

It's God's kindness that leads us to repentance. And the father says, "My son was dead and now he's alive again. He was lost and now he's found." I submit he was lost before he ever left; but now that he's home, he's found.

The Older Brother: Obedience Is Not the Goal

This would be a great place to park—everyone's at the party, the fatted calf is killed. But then the older son enters the picture. He hasn't run away, hasn't blown his inheritance on riotous living. He's the responsible one, the solid one, the good son. And his reaction to his brother's return is anger and bitterness, and he separates himself from his father, hanging off to the side of the celebration. His attitude is: my behavior was better. I was compliant, helpful, obedient.

This is point three: ultimately obedience is not the goal. Repentance and restoration is. The good son doesn't understand this. Even though his actions are good, his heart is not. He followed every rule, but his heart was still not right. He confused doing right things with being right in his heart. True goodness comes only from a right relationship with Jesus Christ, not from obeying rules. So who is more lost—the son who screwed everything up and came home, or the son who is angry and bitter and now separated from his father?

The law makes us aware of our shortcomings, but grace makes repentance accessible. As Miles said last week, Moses could only bring you as far as the Jordan, representing the law; it took Joshua, the picture of Jesus, to bring us into the promised land. The father never stopped believing his son would return, never stopped watching. He celebrated the return, but he did not go out and rescue his son—he allowed his son the freedom to come to himself. An early rescue would have short-circuited reconciliation. Make it easy for people to repent and return. And in God's plan for saving His children, who does the heavy lifting? God does. He sent His Son to die on the cross so our children could learn repentance and reconciliation and become part of the family of God.

The Father of the Demon-Possessed Boy

Now to Mark 9, beginning in verse 17. This comes right after the transfiguration, where Jesus went up the mountain, met with Moses and Elijah, and turned shining white while the disciples watched in awe and Peter wanted to build tabernacles. Coming down the hill, they run into a large, agitated crowd—an afraid father and a disturbed child.

Teacher, I brought my son to you for he has a spirit that makes him mute... I asked your disciples to cast it out and they were not able. And Jesus answered them, oh, faithless generation. How long am I to be with you?... Bring him to me. (Mark 9:17–19)

As soon as Jesus sees the boy, the child goes into full crisis—convulsing, foaming at the mouth. Jesus asks the father how long this has been happening. From childhood, the father says, and the spirit has often thrown him into fire and water to destroy him. "But if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us." Jesus responds by repeating the man's words—"if you can"—and adds, "All things are possible to one who believes."

God Reveals Our Issues Through Our Families

This is point four: God will use issues with our families to show us issues in ourselves. Jesus uses the situation with the child to highlight an issue with the father. The issue He chose to deal with first is the father's, not the son's. We would naturally look at the boy's acute condition—on the ground, foaming, convulsing—as the greatest need. But Jesus instead addressed the father's lack of faith and his need to acknowledge it.

This brings one of my favorite interactions in the whole Bible. The father says, "I believe; help my unbelief." I believe, but I know I don't believe enough. That's the issue Jesus addresses first. Without Jesus you can do all the right things, have all the right motivations, and even be a pretty good father as far as the world is concerned—but our most pressing needs are spiritual, and without Jesus we have no way to solve them.

Some of you took up gardening during all this stay-at-home time. One thing I can tell you is that I hate gophers—unashamedly. The worst thing is that a plant can look beautiful until the leaves start dying around the edges, and when you go to check, you pick it up and there's no bottom to it. The roots are completely gone. Without Jesus, you are that plant. You can look good for a while, but there are no roots, nothing deep. If we don't maintain a vital, growing relationship with Jesus, we won't be equipped to deal with what life throws at us. God may even engineer circumstances to bring us to a place where we have to admit, "I believe, but help my unbelief," and to highlight areas where we need to repent. How can we lead people to a place we won't go ourselves?

Only Jesus Does the Work of Restoration

And when Jesus saw that a crowd came running together, he rebuked the unclean spirit... and after crying out and convulsing him terribly, it came out and the boy was like a corpse. And most of them said he is dead. (Mark 9:25–26)

Another thing we planted was potatoes, and here's what I learned: you don't see growth on the surface until there's significant growth underneath. Sometimes situations look dead and hopeless to us, but something is going on under the surface—and notice this happens right after the father acknowledged his need for faith.

Jesus took him by the hand, lifted him up and he arose. (Mark 9:27)

The love of Jesus did what the father could not. This should bring us comfort and hope. Jesus is the One who works the miracle of restoration. You cannot do the work of salvation for your kids any more than you could do it for yourself. This is Jesus's job. When we keep this in the forefront of our minds, it helps us correctly point our children to the same Jesus we so desperately need.

Looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith. (Hebrews 12:2)

The call to fathers is to raise disciples of Jesus, not just obedient children. The two aren't mutually exclusive, but it is easy to confuse compliance for repentance. We need to focus on the need for a Savior, because well-behaved does not necessarily mean saved.

From Genesis, we saw that God allowed the opportunity for failure and the need for repentance and restoration. From the prodigal son, we saw the importance of our conduct as parents and the need to make it easy for our kids to repent. From Mark 9, we learned that there will be issues we cannot solve—only Jesus can bring true healing and restoration. The focus of all three is repentance and restoration in Christ.

Closing Prayer

Heavenly Father, raising kids is difficult. So often we have no idea what we're doing, and yet at the same time, Jesus, if we look to You, You meet those needs—for us and for our kids. Help us do a good job of directing our children to You. And if we're in a place where we haven't directed ourselves to You, where we haven't reached out to You, Jesus, I pray we would do that right now—even in the comfort of our homes, that we would say, "Lord Jesus, help my unbelief."

Most of all, thank You. Thank You for doing the work of salvation that we could never do. Thank You for dying the death we could never die, so that we can live for You. What a blessing and opportunity we have to make Your fame known to future generations through how we live with our kids. Give us grace and opportunities, forgive us where we fall short, and inspire us as we raise our children—grandparents raising kids, aunts and uncles, adoptive parents, big brothers and sisters—whatever situation we're in where people look to us. Give us wisdom, and most of all help us to see and sense Your presence as we do this. Thank You so much for what You do for us. We pray these things in Your name. Amen.