Showing Honor

Honor widows who are really widows. But if any widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show piety at home and to repay their parents; for this is good and acceptable before God. Now she who is really a widow, and left alone, trusts in God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day. But she who lives in pleasure is dead while she lives... But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. Do not let a widow under sixty years old be taken into the number... If any believing man or woman has widows, let them relieve them, and do not let the church be burdened, that it may relieve those who are really widows. (1 Timothy 5:3–16)

What does it really mean for the church to honor widows—and where does the responsibility of family begin?

A Passage Central to the Church: Acts 2

This week I was having an email conversation with one of our elders, and in that exchange I ended up in a passage that is central not only to our church but to every Bible-teaching, Jesus-following church—Acts chapter 2. It describes some of the earliest happenings in the church 2,000 years ago.

The Apostle Peter, one of the first followers of Jesus, preached to a great multitude gathered in Jerusalem for the feast of Pentecost. At the end of his message the people cried out, "What should we do?" Peter said, repent and be baptized every one of you for the removal of your sins. That day, three thousand people were added to the church. They went from 120 gathered in a small room to over 3,000 in a single day.

So what did they do with that? Acts 2:42 describes it:

And they continued steadfastly in the apostles' doctrine and fellowship, in the breaking of bread, and in prayers.

We have here the birth of the church and the four central things they did: they continued in the apostles' teaching, in fellowship, in the breaking of bread, and in prayers. The breaking of bread doesn't necessarily mean communion—it was probably hospitality, gathering for meals with one another.

What Is Koinonia?

I want to look at one of those things in particular: that word fellowship. They continued consistently, regularly, steadfastly in fellowship. The New Testament was written in Greek, and that word for fellowship is Koinonia.

If you've been around a Bible-teaching church for any length of time, you may have heard that word. Sometimes churchy Christians throw it around—"Let's get together for some Koinonia"—and a non-churchgoer goes, "What's Koinonia? That sounds trippy." They might validly say, "Why don't you just say, let's get together and hang out?" But Koinonia has a far deeper meaning than just hanging out.

The definition is described in the following verses:

Now all who believed were together, and had all things in common, and sold their possessions and goods, and divided them among all, as anyone had need. So continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they ate their food with gladness and simplicity of heart, praising God and having favor with all the people. (Acts 2:44–45)

The word common there is the Greek word koinos—the adjective form of Koinonia. To have all things in common meant they sold their possessions and divided them among all as anyone had need.

Caring for the Newly Outcast

This became a general principle within the church, seen again in Acts 6, Acts 18 and 19, and in the epistles like 1 Timothy. Every one of those 3,000 people came out of Judaism. Under the Old Testament law there were clear requirements to care for the social welfare needs of the people. But when these people put their faith in Jesus as Messiah, they became social outcasts in Jewish society—and that social welfare was gone.

So how was it taken care of? In the form of Koinonia. They sold their possessions and divided them among all as anyone had need. Now, any good post-World War II American hears that and says, "Listen here, comrade, we're not into that old communism thing." And there's a sense in which that's exactly what was happening. But understand the difference: these people were inspired by the Spirit of God to take care of the needs of those within the church. If a government comes in and forces it, we might rightly object—but that's not what was happening here.

This gives us a clear general principle—point number one: the church should provide for the needs of those that are genuinely in need.

What Is the Church?

That raises a question: what is the church? Acts 2:44 says all those who believed were together. That's the church. If you trust in Jesus as your Savior and Lord, and you're together with other believers, you're part of the church. This building is not the church; this gathering of believers is the church.

So the church should provide for the needs of those genuinely in need. But that raises two more questions: how should the church provide, and who are the genuinely needy? The passage before us in 1 Timothy 5 endeavors to answer both.

The Context: How to Conduct Yourself in God's House

We need to extend the context. The context for 1 Timothy 5:3–16 is found in 1 Timothy 3:14–15, where Paul writes:

These things I write to you... so that you may know how you ought to conduct yourself in the house of God, which is the church of the living God.

Timothy had recently been ordained to oversee, as a pastor, the church in Ephesus. Paul, his mentor and teacher, writes to tell him how he should conduct himself as the leader of that church. As part of those instructions, Paul says in 5:3: honor widows.

Paul clearly has local knowledge of problems in Ephesus, and one had to do with how the church dealt with widows. This wasn't new. In Acts 6, one of the first problems the church faced was that a group of widows was not being taken care of, so seven men full of the Holy Spirit, full of wisdom, and of good reputation were appointed to care for them. The problem comes up again here at Ephesus.

The Meaning of "Honor"

In our day, honor generally means to respect, value, and esteem—and we should certainly value the widows among us. But there is more to the word here. Just about every commentator agrees that honor in this context means to financially support and sustain those within the body of Christ who are widows.

So does the church become the de facto life insurance policy for every widow? Notice what Paul says: "Honor widows who are really widows." I know some in our church work in social services, a difficult sector—the needs are abundant, and there are times when they have to say no. Saying no is hard, especially in a culture that highly values yes. (This is why we get frustrated in prayer; we want yes all the time, and God doesn't always say yes—praise God.)

Just as social services have policies and requirements, Paul sets forth principles for this issue. Honor widows—financially support and sustain them—but only the widows who are really widows. This brings us to point number two: the church must wisely discern who is genuinely in need.

Especially Vulnerable: The Widows and the Fatherless

This can be a touchy thing, but it's clearly seen in Scripture. Those seven men in Acts 6 had to be full of wisdom—which comes back to wisely discerning genuine need.

As a brief aside: the church doesn't only support widows. Throughout church history the church has helped the poor, the sick, and the disabled. But two groups are set aside in both Testaments as especially vulnerable: the widows and the fatherless—the orphans and the widows. Paul zeroes in on widows here because he had local knowledge of that problem at Ephesus.

Who Is "Really" a Widow?

So how does the church help these widows who are really widows? Look again at the criteria in verses 5 and 6:

Now she who is really a widow, and left alone, trusts in God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day. But she who lives in pleasure is dead while she lives.

Every woman whose husband has died is a widow, but a certain classification is in view. Here are the policy markers: First, she has no other help—she is effectively all alone in this world. Second, she is a believer who trusts in God, continuing in supplications and prayers night and day. She trusts God alone for her provision, seeking Him daily for her bread.

Then comes that interesting mark in verse 6: "she who lives in pleasure is dead while she lives." At the very least, this person is not just seeking to have her pleasures fulfilled by the church. There's a difference between needs and wants. These policy guidelines are like the beginnings of an algorithm: they are truly alone, they trust solely in God, and they understand the church will take care of needs.

Family First: It Is Christ-Like to Provide

But notice verse 4:

But if any widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show piety at home and to repay their parents; for this is good and acceptable before God.

The church helps not only by gathering offerings, but by exhorting family members to take care of family. This is point number three: it is Christ-like for believers to provide for the needs of their own families.

This isn't new. In Exodus 20, the Ten Commandments—four addressing our relationship with God, six addressing our relationship with one another—include "honor your father and mother." Paul repeats it in Ephesians 6: children obey your parents; honor your father and mother, the first commandment with promise, that it may go well with you and you may have a long life. So if a widowed mother has children or grandchildren, they should take care of her.

Jesus on the Cross

This is astounding to me. Consider what was on Jesus's mind on the cross. John records:

Now there stood by the cross of Jesus His mother, and His mother's sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus therefore saw His mother, and the disciple whom He loved standing by, He said to His mother, "Woman, behold your son!" Then He said to the disciple, "Behold your mother!" And from that hour that disciple took her to his own home. (John 19:25–27)

I love that John always announces himself as "the disciple whom Jesus loved." Most Bible teachers believe that by this point Joseph had died and Mary was a widow. One of the things on Jesus's mind while dying for our sin was the welfare of His widowed mother. If you're not concerned about the welfare of your own family—especially a widowed mother—you're not very Christ-like.

John, who heard those words, writes decades later:

But whoever has this world's goods, and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him? My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth. (1 John 3:17–18)

It may be a strong thing to say, but it is not off the mark: you are not Christ-like if you do not have concern for the needs of your family.

Worse Than an Unbeliever

Paul continues in verse 7: "And these things command, that they may be blameless. But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." Strong words.

It's worth recognizing that about A.D. 14—about fifty years before this letter—the Roman Emperor Augustus had already established social welfare in the Roman Empire. We think of Rome as a wicked, pagan place, and it was; yet even those pagans felt you should take care of the welfare of people. So Paul's point stands: if you're not concerned about the welfare of others, you're worse than a Roman pagan—worse than an unbeliever.

The List: Qualifications for Support

Paul continues:

Do not let a widow under sixty years old be taken into the number, and not unless she has been the wife of one man, well reported for good works: if she has brought up children, if she has lodged strangers, if she has washed the saints' feet, if she has relieved the afflicted, if she has diligently followed every good work. (1 Timothy 5:9–10)

When we read "taken into the number," it's clear the early church kept a list—a first-century spreadsheet—of those to be provided for. So we have more qualifications: she must be completely alone, fully trusting in God, looking to the church for her needs, and an elderly widow over sixty. He gives seven further qualifications: faithful to one husband, well reported for good works, having brought up children, lodged strangers, washed the saints' feet, relieved the afflicted, and diligently followed every good work.

This is point number four: good works and a godly witness are worthy of honor and reward. In eternity, the Bible makes clear you will be rewarded by Jesus for your good works and godly witness. But in this life, these widows—who without the support of the church could not survive—are honored and rewarded for their faithfulness.

Wisely Discerning in Practice

It's not only acceptable but required that church leaders consider the conduct and witness of those they benevolently help. Rarely does a week go by here at Cross Connection without someone from the body of Christ coming with a need—usually financial. The church is called to wisely discern: should we help, and can we help?

There are times we gather and have to say, "We can't help you financially this way, but we want to help you—because you've gotten yourself into this trouble, and we want to disciple you so you don't have this problem every week." Other times we say, "We'll help you pay this bill, and we'll show you how to avoid this problem again using biblical principles." But there are widows at this church who, apart from the church's financial help, would not be able to pay their bills.

Some Help Is Not Helpful

Verses 11 through 15 deal with younger widows. There's so much disagreement among commentators that I won't comment in depth, but Paul urges the younger widows to marry, bear children, and manage the house, giving no opportunity for the adversary.

I'll merely say this: some needs are not met by the church, and some needy people are not helped, because that assistance would not actually be helpful. Our culture has a very large social safety net, and a big part of that exists because the church has not always dealt with this issue correctly. Those safety nets often can't say, "This is something in your life that needs to be addressed so you no longer need this." But the church, as part of discipleship, is required to say, "You're a follower of Jesus—let us help you live in a way that this does not become a perpetual need."

Family First, Church Second

Paul sums it up:

If any believing man or woman has widows, let them relieve them, and do not let the church be burdened, that it may relieve those who are really widows. (1 Timothy 5:16)

If there are widows younger than sixty who have family, the family should take care of that. But if they don't, the church corporately should take care of them. This is point number five: the biblical standard of care is family first, church second.

Though the church is second in that progression, the church is often called upon to deal with these needs—whether for widows or for people in crisis. Last year, more than $15,000 in benevolent assistance went out from this church. When you give here, a portion takes care of the benevolent needs of the church, out of our general budget.

An Invitation to Give

That's part of why we do our offering at the end of the service—it's a perfect illustration of what's going on. When we receive the offering, those monies go into the general fund, and some of that meets benevolent needs. Since that's the case, I would ask you to prayerfully consider giving specifically and especially, above what you would normally give, toward the benevolent needs of the church today. These things come out of our general budget anyway, but it would be a blessing to fully fund and take care of that through a special offering. You can give as we receive it, or online at lifeinconnection.com/give.

I know some people get squirrelly when we talk about money—but the only ones who do are the ones who don't give. The people who give are encouraged. If you don't, God bless you, we love you, you're still welcome here.

Closing Prayer

Father, I want to praise You for how giving this church is. We have seen this church provide for needs above and beyond constantly, and I praise You for the way You have moved in our hearts, because how we handle our finances is an indication of where our hearts are. It is very clear this church is sensitive to the touch of Your Spirit.

We pray for those in need—people in our church right now who have had a crisis, a medical emergency, a lost job, an unexpected bill—and who are hurting, concerned, and worried. Thank You that we have the body of Christ to be a support, encouragement, and tangible financial help.

We pray for this offering—both the normal offering for the work of this ministry here and throughout the world, and specifically the benevolence needs. We lift it into Your hands and ask that You multiply it. I trust the gifts given are given for specific cases that You know, even if no leader knows. Pour out Your Spirit and grace.

We thank You, Jesus, for the privilege of giving and for the abundance we have. So many in this room are phenomenally blessed. Every good and perfect gift comes from You; You gave us the ability to earn wages, the jobs, the homes, the goods—ultimately it's Yours, and we are stewards. Lead us as we worship You both in song and in sacrificial giving. In Jesus' name, Amen.