Romans 8:16

For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God. For you have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you have received the spirit of adoption whereby you cry, Abba, Father. The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are the children of God. And if children, then heirs, heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ. (Romans 8:14–17)

On Father's Day, the only perfect model of fatherhood is God Himself — who loves, encourages, accepts, and disciplines His children.

A Father's Day Welcome

Today is Father's Day, and I want to wish the fathers in our presence a happy Father's Day. One little boy, asked to explain what Father's Day was all about, said, "It's just like Mother's Day, except we don't spend as much on the present." That may or may not be true—in my case it isn't; my lovely wife bought me an Apple iPad. But Father's Day is generally not as big a deal as Mother's Day. Attendance tends to be higher on Mother's Day, emotions run higher, and businesses make more profit—except the telephone company, which traditionally reports more collect calls on Father's Day than normal.

The very first Father's Day celebration in our nation began on June 19, 1924, by proclamation of President Calvin Coolidge. It came about through the efforts of a woman named Sonora Smart Dodd. In 1909, Sonora was listening to a Mother's Day sermon when the idea of Father's Day came to her. She and her five siblings had been raised by their father after their mother died in childbirth, and she wanted her father honored. It wasn't until 1924 that the day was officially established, and it has been celebrated ever since on the third Sunday of June.

Good Fathers Are Made

I'm thankful that I have a father I look up to, even though he's only five-foot-seven-and-a-half. Even though Father's Day may not carry the significance Mother's Day does, it still gives us a chance to honor those who lead the household—those at the helm who gather the family and lead them through life's battles.

Dr. James Dobson wrote a book years ago called Dare to Discipline, in which he says that good fathers are made, not born. He offers three things for a father to keep in mind. First, children often follow in the footsteps of their father; the example a father sets about his relationship with God, his service in the community and the church, and his love toward his family leaves an indelible impression. Fathers are followed, and fatherhood is not something that can simply be turned over to someone else. Second, the best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. As Paul says in Ephesians 5, "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her." Third, a Christian father will arrange to spend time with his children, because ultimately we control our time and decide how we spend it.

Where Do We Find a Model Father?

To be a good father, we need a good model. But many people say, "I didn't have a good example of a father." Where can we find such a model? Is there a perfect father we can follow? I answer that question with a strong yes. We as fathers must follow God's lead, because He is revealed time and again in Scripture as our heavenly Father, and He has led us in the way we ought to lead our children.

Many in the world struggle when they learn that God wants to relate to us as Father, because their earthly father was not a good example. But when we consider the fatherhood of God, we learn great things.

God Loves His Children

One of the first things we learn about God is that, as a Father, He loves His children. In 1 John 4:19, John tells us, "We love him because he first loved us." And in Romans 5:8, "God demonstrates his love towards us, that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

God did not wait for us to meet His expectations before He loved us. He did not wait until we measured up to His standards. He simply loved us, and He loved us first. Many people testify that they had to achieve something before receiving their earthly father's love. Not so with God. His love is complete, constant, and unconditional. We cannot earn it, escape it, or erase it. He may be angry when we disobey, saddened when we stray, sorrowful when we sin—but He never stops loving us.

I'm blessed by Paul's words in Romans 8:38: "For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

God Encourages His Children

Throughout Scripture, God steps into the realm of humanity to encourage His people. At the burning bush in Exodus 3, God encouraged Moses, who said, "I can't do this. I'm weak. I don't have enough wisdom." God saw in Moses what Moses could not see in himself. He did the same for Joshua just outside the Promised Land, for Gideon when He called him "a mighty man of valor" in the face of an overwhelming army, and for Jeremiah when He called him to be a prophet to the nations. Each man felt insufficient; God encouraged him.

God said to Joshua, "Have not I commanded you? Be strong and of good courage. Do not be afraid, neither be dismayed; for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." His encouragement came not only in words, but in His presence and His powerful assistance. God doesn't merely give us a pep talk; He runs alongside us and gives us the power we need.

Sadly, that is not always true of earthly fathers. Many parents, no matter how conscientious, are prone to send messages of criticism rather than encouragement. I read a study this week that for every one encouraging word a father shares, four discouraging remarks are given. That is why Paul tells us in Ephesians 4, "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace to the hearers."

We learned early on, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." What a lie. James tells us that with the same tongue we bless God and curse men, and our words are powerful enough to destroy a person. I also learned wisdom from the philosopher Thumper in Bambi: "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say nothing at all." That's good counsel. One study showed that some ninety percent of girls who struggle with eating disorders attribute it to a strained or nonexistent relationship with their father. The encouragement of a father is powerful—and God the Father is our great example.

God Accepts His Children

This flows from the love of God. In Ephesians 1:6, Paul says God "has made us accepted in the Beloved." Read on, and you find we have been chosen and adopted into His family. John writes in 1 John 3, "Behold what manner of love the Father has given unto us, that we should be called the children of God." God not only saved us; He brought us into His family and called us His children.

We are accepted because He loves us and because He bought us with a price (1 Corinthians 6:20). His love never fails. Psalm 136 tells us twenty-six times that His steadfast love endures forever. In Ephesians 2, we are told we have been brought near to God (verse 13) and now have access to the Father (verse 18). In the Old Testament, access came only through sacrifice, and even then a veil stood between man and God. But when Jesus died, that veil was torn in two, and now by grace through faith we can come boldly before His throne of grace to obtain mercy in our time of need.

We never have to wonder whether we are accepted, because we are no longer strangers or foreigners but members of the household of God (Ephesians 2:19). This is why Christians say, "We don't have religion, we have a relationship." If Sasha and Malia wanted to see their dad, the President, no problem—they have access; they don't go through the Secret Service. The same is true with my son. Last week I was in a meeting in my office when the door handle jiggled and Ethan came bursting through. Meeting over—or at least on hold. We have that great access because we have been accepted.

Peter says in 1 Peter 2, "But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special people... which in times past were not a people, but are now the people of God." We are made accepted not because of our merit, race, looks, intellect, or strength, but because God loves us.

God Disciplines His Children

This is one aspect of God's fatherhood we sometimes have a hard time with, yet it is part of His character we ought to receive as an example—and it is greatly lacking in our nation today. Moses said in Deuteronomy 8:5, "As a man chastens his son, so the Lord disciplines you." Solomon said in Proverbs 3:12, "For whom the Lord loves he corrects, even as a father the son in whom he delights."

In Hebrews 12, the author quotes Solomon: "For whom the Lord loves he chastens, and scourges every son whom he receives." If you endure chastening, God deals with you as sons; "for what son is he whom the father chastens not?" Our earthly fathers corrected us for a few days as seemed best to them, but God disciplines for our profit, that we might partake of His holiness. "No chastening for the present seems to be joyful, but grievous; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them that are exercised thereby."

We discipline because we love our children, because it teaches responsibility, and because it shows that wrong actions bring negative consequences. When God created this world, He established four governing institutions: the family, the church, human governments, and His own final authority. It is the family's job first to train a child in righteousness. If the family fails, God desires the church to teach the right way. If the church fails, that individual may face human government and the courts. And if none of these correct them, they will one day stand before God for judgment.

This is why Paul, after telling children to obey their parents in Ephesians 6, adds in verse 4, "And you fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath." There are many interpretations, but I believe part of the meaning is this: fathers have a responsibility to train our children in the fear and admonition of the Lord so they will never have to stand before God for wrath.

Six Things About God's Discipline

Discipline is a touchy subject today. Some in higher learning and mental health say discipline is dangerous, that you should never spank, never use a time out, never deny your child, lest you injure their psyche. But Scripture says different. Children are not born good. You don't have to teach them to lie, to be selfish, or to be rebellious—sin begins in the heart. Left entirely to their own nature, by the time they were sixteen they'd be ravenous murderers. So we are told to train up our children. Because God is the perfect Father, He knows best how to discipline, and we can learn six things from Him.

First, God does not discipline out of anger. He is not hot-tempered. We can get exasperated and discipline from anger, but that is not God's way.

Second, God does not discipline arbitrarily. He does not pull your name from a hat. Some of you grew up in a home where, if your father woke on the wrong side of the bed, he took it out on you. That is not the discipline God calls us to.

Third, God does not discipline without reason. He announces His coming discipline and gives opportunity for repentance. Consider Jonah. God sent him to wicked Nineveh to say, "In forty days you're toast." Jonah didn't want to go, precisely because he knew that if they repented, God would be merciful. And when Nineveh repented, God gave them mercy.

Fourth, God's discipline is always for the purpose of purification. He desires not to inflict pain but to bring correction.

Fifth, God's discipline is for our good. As Hebrews 12 says, He disciplines us that we might partake of His holiness, and afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness.

Sixth, God lovingly seeks restoration of relationship after discipline. My wife took a sociology class showing a diagram claiming that if you discipline your children using the biblical model, they grow up reclusive and want nothing to do with you. I have not found that to be true. Discipline is ultimately for restoring relationship. At creation, man broke God's command, and relationship was severed by sin. Yet through discipline God restored it. Isaiah 53 says of the crucifixion, "He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement of our peace was upon him, and by his stripes we are healed." God's punishment was poured out on Jesus so we could have a restored relationship.

A Picture from My Own Home

My son Ethan is almost two, and we began disciplining him young. When he was in his walker and reached for something dangerous, we'd say with a stern voice, "Ethan, no." People told me he was too young to understand. But he understood—his face would go from "Why?" to teary, and if he still reached, we'd swat his hand, not to hurt him but to teach him.

Now spanking doesn't work as well at this age, so we use a time out. If he's doing wrong, I'll ask, "Ethan, do you want to go to time out?" When I begin to pick him up to take him there, more often than not he starts saying, "Obey, obey, obey." That's repentance. But if he keeps throwing a fit, I'll put him there a minute and a half, and when I go back, he doesn't shy away in the corner. He reaches for me, says "obey," and wants a hug. He wants to be held, because it's the restoration of relationship. That's the point of discipline. You'll know quickly if you're disciplining wrongly, because your children will shy away and fear your hand. True discipline restores relationship.

A Parable of Three Fathers

In light of God's love, encouragement, acceptance, and discipline, fathers must recognize our responsibility to raise our children in the training and instruction of the Lord. Psalm 78, Deuteronomy 6, and many other passages teach us to instruct our children when we sit down, when we stand up, when we walk in the way, and when we lie down—every moment is an opportunity to pass on wisdom. We can do this in a right way or a wrong way. The Hebrew word for father, Ab, is made of Aleph (an ox, picturing strength) and Bet (a house). The father is to be the strength of the house—strong leadership that is sadly missing in many homes.

There's a parable of three fathers. The first taught his child only about the power and might of God—pointing to towering trees God could topple and a sun God could make burn so hot that the plants would wither, hammering home power and demanding obedience. When at last they came face to face with God, the child hid behind his father, afraid even to look upon God, refusing to put his hand into God's hand.

The second father wanted to teach so many important things that he hurried through each one. They glanced at the trees, hurried past the flowers, and he crammed stories together, filling his child with facts but never teaching him how to live and love God. When they met God, the child gave only a casual glance and turned away.

The third father adjusted his steps to his child's tiny steps. They stopped to gaze at God's beauty, picked flowers and felt the soft petals, smelled their fragrance, watched birds fly and build nests, while the father told story after story about God. And when they finally came face to face with God, without hesitation the child placed his hand trustingly into the hand of his heavenly Father.

That is our desire as fathers—that we train our children so they associate "father" with a loving, caring one who encourages, accepts, and disciplines when needed, doing it all in a way that honors God. This world needs a true representation of what a father is, and only the church can give it, because we have been instructed by our heavenly Father. When I am weak in understanding, the only place I can truly turn is to my heavenly Father. I'm thankful He has revealed how we ought to do this wonderful thing He's called us to. May we learn of Him and be a great example to this world, that they would know who our heavenly Father really is.

Closing Prayer

Heavenly Father, I thank You that You've revealed Yourself to us as the one who loves us, encourages us, and accepts us. Lord, You discipline us when discipline is needed, but You do so in a way that presents Your character and Your love. Many of us were first attracted to You by Your love; we love You because You first loved us. Help us to display that kind of love to our children, our wives, and this world, that they would see and know the true representation of who the Father God really is. I thank You that You are the everlasting Father, and a Father to the fatherless. For the fathers here today, strengthen us to be good examples. Give us Your wisdom where we lack it, Your understanding, and the ability to reach out with tender hands to discipline in right ways. We ask this in Jesus' name. Amen.