Matthew 5:21

Well, good morning, everybody. It is good to see you today. For those of you who have no idea who I am, I'm the Family Ministries Pastor here. Normally, at this time on a Sunday, I am next door with the high schoolers. You'll see some of them in here; if you see one, you can wave at them. They don't bite—most of them. And the ones that do, they don't bite that hard anyway, so it's okay.

Before we get started, I want to talk to you about our Thanksgiving basket program. It's not really a program; it's an event that we do every year. The Wednesday before Thanksgiving, the youth group gets together, and we deliver baskets to local businesses that we work with as a way to show them the love of Christ.

We enter the holiday shopping season, or the Christmas shopping season, earlier and earlier every year. Have you noticed that we used to have Black Friday, and now it starts on Thanksgiving? It just keeps working its way back. We try to get in there before that starts because, in the celebration of Christ's birth, people are often the most un-Christ-like as they're preparing for that—shopping and lovingly competing for the latest prize.

Some of us in here are old enough to remember the Cabbage Patch days and the Beanie Baby days. We try to offer the love of Christ to some of the business people we deal with before they enter that arena of horribleness. Every year we do it, and every year it's phenomenal. It's a great opportunity for the youth group kids to step outside their comfort zone a little bit, walk up to somebody, and tell them, "Here, this is for you."

The situation we deal with most is that most people think we're selling something. Then we have to have this repetitive conversation: "No, we don't want anything from you. We just want to give this to you. We just want to say that Jesus loves you, we appreciate you, and we hope you have a great rest of the year." That usually takes three or four minutes before we get to that part because we're so programmed.

Now, when somebody brings something to us that they want money or something for, and we don't have it, we have seen fantastic things happen through this. One year, we were bringing a basket over to Joy's Cleaners, and it just so happened that the team delivering to that location was in line behind someone who was upset about an article of clothing. It must have been a really nice article of clothing because this person was extremely upset. There was screaming, yelling, and hand flailing.

By the time this person left, he was in the basket, but they handed her the basket and explained what it was. The lady behind the counter just broke down in tears. She came out from behind the counter, sobbing and hugging the person who gave her the basket. We never know how God is going to use these things.

This last year, we did 31 baskets, and we would love to top that this year. We get a ton of kids involved, pack the baskets with baked goods, put everything together, and go out to deliver them. But why do I bring it up here? Because you have baskets, and we need baskets. If you have extra baskets lying around collecting dust, or if you have one of those horrible fake plants that nobody's going to tell you this about, I'll tell you: it doesn't look right. Just take it out of there. We'll take the basket; you can keep the plant. Apologies if that was your favorite thing, but we will put those to good use.

If you're interested in baking, you can sign up on the website, lifeandconnection.com/events. We would love to be able to take cookies, brownies, and bars. It has to be something that we can package in those little cellophane basket bags. Cupcakes don't work really well because they get all smooshed and then look kind of terrible.

If you do choose to bake, I have to mention this: taste your stuff before you send it in. I'm not trying to be mean; we have had things that we've had to lovingly rearrange because, well, you know. Anyway, if you would love to be a part of this, we would appreciate it. I would love to be able to get 45 or 50 baskets, and at some point, I would love to break 100, where we could bless people.

Out of people that we would find to bless, that would be fantastic. We have teens that are signing up to help, and it would be great. So if you would help us out with that, it would be phenomenal. Okay, enough begging. Let's move on.

We're going to be in Matthew chapter 5 today, starting in verse 21. As we turn there, a little bit of a recap: we have been going through the Sermon on the Mount over in the high school room. We handle things a little bit differently than we do in here, because we're here together today. The way we do it over there is we teach for a short period of time, and then we have discussion groups where we talk about it. Don't panic; I'm not going to ask you to do that here. I wouldn't put that kind of pressure on you yet. You're not high schoolers. Sorry, I had to throw that shot in there.

We have been going through this, and the Sermon on the Mount is the longest discourse we have from Jesus, the longest continuous teaching that we have from Him in Scripture. There is so much in there that we’re probably going to be in this for like a year. Who knows? But there is so much good stuff. We've gone through the Beatitudes, and now we're in this section where Jesus is talking about the law and then segueing into what's behind the law.

Today, we're going to talk about anger. We're going to talk about grudges and all those great things that we love to address in our own lives. So it shouldn't be painful, and it shouldn't be troublesome at all. Let's pray before we begin.

Heavenly Father, as we approach Your word today, I pray that You would speak to us. Father God, I pray that You would not only speak to us but that You would actually impact our hearts today, Jesus. That You would uncover things that need to be dealt with, Lord God. Maybe it's something that we've covered over and locked up, or something that we even look at now as just a part of who we are. But Lord Jesus, we know that You have come so that we would have freedom.

So today, I pray that we would find freedom from anger, from grudges, and from all those things that tend to hold us back. Father, we pray that You would be glorified as we go through this, Lord Jesus. That You would be lifted up, and ultimately, that You would draw us close to You. Holy Spirit, we give You free reign this morning to paw through our spiritual junk drawer.

Jesus, to highlight those things that need to be dealt with. So, Lord Jesus, we give you this time; we pray these things in your name. Amen.

All right, Matthew chapter 5, starting in verse 21. Excuse me. You have heard that it was said to those of old, "You shall not murder, and whoever murders will be liable to judgment." But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother without a cause will be liable to judgment, and whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council, and whoever says, "You fool," will be liable to the hell of fire.

So, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First, be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison. Truly I say to you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny.

Jesus starts out here by highlighting the old standard, the law, which is good. The law, which we find in Exodus chapter 20, contains the Ten Commandments. He begins with, "You have said that was heard of those of old, 'You shall not murder.'" However, this is a standard that we generally find ourselves able to keep most of the time. I made it all the way here this morning from my house without breaking that one. I can kind of give myself a pat on the back. Hopefully, you guys did too. It's not really something that I struggle with.

But see, that's true for most of us. We don't find that murder is top on the list of things that we struggle with on a daily basis. It's kind of a hurdle that's so low that often we use it to minimize other things. Like, "Well, it's not like I killed someone. It's just..." and then we use it to minimize something else. This is because the law, as it pertains to human interaction, only deals with our actions. It deals with things like murder, theft, adultery, and lies. These are all actions that we commit. The law is not concerned with the why; the law is concerned with whether you did X, whatever X was.

So, we could be happy and proud that we didn't murder anyone on the way to church this morning, except that Jesus is going to change all this up.

Jesus says that anyone who is A, angry without cause at their brother or sister, B, insults their brother or sister, or C, calls their brother or sister an unkind name—cultural equivalents for us would be "idiot"—has sinned and is facing judgment and the danger of hell. Well, that's a little bit different, isn't it? All of a sudden, we've gone from "don't murder" to "wait, am I angry at somebody without cause?" Jesus took it from actions alone to the attitudes of the heart. He's moved from actions to motives.

It's no longer good enough to seem good. It's no longer good enough to congratulate ourselves for making it all the way in without killing somebody or without lying this morning. We actually have to be good. It's no longer enough to look good; we have to actually be good. It's a whole new ballgame. Now it's not just about murder, but about whether I was angry with somebody without cause. Was I upset with somebody without cause on the way in? Did I make it all the way here without fighting with my spouse? Did I make it through the parking lot or walking into the church?

Maybe even right now, in your chair, you're kind of like, "Oh, man." See, Jesus knows our hearts. And I am not teaching this as someone who has arrived. If you have been able to follow me this week, God has a way that as you get ready to teach something, He makes sure that you really understand it. I had plenty of opportunity this week to view the ugly side and to repent. Each time, I found myself saying, "Lord, you are faithful, and it is painful."

Ah, He knows our hearts. He can use that standard. He can judge our motives and the thoughts behind our actions. We don't have that luxury; we don't know people's motives. He sees the reactions that we have on the inside, and we're held accountable for them. No longer can we get away with smiling on the way into church after we've been yelling at each other in the car on the way to church. See, Jesus understands what's going on inside.

And Jesus lays out two different scenarios here for us. The first one has to do with the person who is on their way to the altar to offer their sacrifice, to offer their gift to God. The second one involves a person who is on their way to a courtroom. These are two totally different situations. The thing that they both have in common is that, in both situations, God assumes the guilt of the party in question. There is no example for when we were perfect, right, and holy.

Remember, God knows our hearts. He gives us two examples where we are the guilty party because we are often the guilty party. He knows our hearts and our motives, which is why He provides these examples. However, as humans, we can only discern actions. I don't know why you did what you did; I only know what you did if I was there. I don't know why my wife said what she said; I just know what she said. I don't know the thought behind the driver in front of me who decided to do something incredibly dumb.

Even in that instance, I am making a judgment call. I have no idea what their motives were. All I can deal with is what they did. This is where we often screw up in our relationships with others. We start to assume motives. We begin to pass judgment and figure out, "Oh, that's why they did that." We think, "You did this because..." But we don't have that luxury. We don't know the heart; we don't know what is going on inside. All I can deal with is the actions that they have committed.

This brings us to point one. Because we cannot know the hearts of others, and most of the time even our own, we need to make sure that we don't assume people's reasons or motives. We are not qualified to decide why someone did something that hurt us. We can only know what they did.

We still can and should address something that hurts us. I'm not saying we should just ignore it when someone does something mean to us. What I need to address is what they did, not why I think they did it. For example, "You said this because you hate me."

I can't make that distinction. I can go to them and say, "Hey, what you said there or what you did there really hurt. Why did you do that?" Then, I have to be willing to listen to what they say. But so often, we miss that. We cannot assume motives. We don't know why they did it. If we ask, "Why did you do that?" instead of telling ourselves, "They did it because," we're going to be better off. We're going to have a greater understanding of the people we deal with.

Often, we choose to decide why someone did something or why they said something. Evil assumptions like that are the quickest way to kill any human relationship. When we start assuming wrongdoing or evil on the part of the person we're dealing with, that's the quickest way to destroy that relationship.

1 Corinthians chapter 13, verse 7, from the love chapter, says, "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things." We are called to hope all things. We're called to believe the best. We're called to assume the very best in our spouse, in our children, in our parents, in our siblings, in our teachers, students, employers, pastors, and even other drivers on the freeway. Even those who have hurt us, we are called to assume the best because we don't know their motives.

If we can't understand or know their reasons, where does our focus need to be? Our focus needs to be on ourselves, not them. We are free moral agents. Each one of us has the opportunity and the capacity to make our decisions. We make choices all the time. We own our actions, our reactions, our thoughts, and our opinions. Those belong to us, and those are what we're going to be held accountable for. My actions, thoughts, and reactions are mine, no matter what somebody else has done. I don't get to lash back out. I can't blame my spouse for making me mad because that's on me. I can't blame my kids for me losing my temper. That's the painful one for me. I can't look at them and say...

Look what you made me do. They didn't make me do that; that was my choice. That was my reaction. They may have done something wrong, but that reaction is mine. I own that, and I'm responsible for it. I can't blame other drivers for my words or gestures. On and on it goes. We own our own actions, our thoughts, and our responsibilities. We own those before God. That's where we're going to be held accountable.

The only person for whom we have a ghost of a chance of truly understanding why they did something is ourselves. We're not even very good at that sometimes. The only person we have a ghost of a chance of changing is ourselves. We can't change somebody else. We can't control anyone else. Ask any parent in the world if they can control their children, and they'll tell you there's no way. I can teach. I can reward the good things. I can punish the bad things. I can beg. I can bribe. I can try all of these things, but I cannot control them.

We cannot control those who are even closest to us, and we shouldn't. If God gives us the freedom to choose to follow Him or not, if God gives us the freedom to choose to be with Him or not, we have to give those same freedoms to our children. Yes, we teach them the right way. Yes, we teach them what we want. Yes, we hold them to standards, but we can't force them. There's no switch we can flip to make people do the right thing. If we had that, that would be great. I would flip mine, and it would be fine, but I don't have that. I have to deal with myself.

I teach my kids, but I don't get to control them. We need to understand that the same freedom God has given to us is given to every other person on the face of the planet. If God chose not to exert control but instead offered us a choice, then we need to do that same thing. We shouldn't be attempting to control, manipulate, or bully others. That's not how God operates, and that's not how we should operate.

So, back to the examples that God uses. There's a person who is on the way to the altar. We need to put our first-century Jewish hat on at this point because that's when this was written. That's the example. This person is on their way to offer the sacrifice. This is an act of worship. This is someone who is getting close to God. They are desiring to have that right relationship.

They're getting their holy on. It is like I am coming before God. I've got my sacrifice. There's a line of people waiting, priests over here, and an altar. I've got whatever it is tucked under my arm that I'm going to offer. Unless it's a bullock, then I'm pulling it behind me because you can't carry those. But either way, there I am before the altar, and all of a sudden, the Holy Spirit starts pointing out spiritual boogers.

In verse 23, it says, "So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you." Notice here that the focus is on remembering that we have wronged somebody. The focus is not on remembering all the horrible things those people have done to us. The focus is on us. If we remember something that we have done to someone else, oh.

See, drawing close to God is a time for Him to lovingly examine our hearts and allow Him to mold and shape us to be more like Him. That's the process of growing close to God. It's not a time for a pride-filled pity party where we savor every horrible thing that's been done to us and wallow in our grief or our anger. It's not a time to ask God to join us in the swamp. This is a time for Him to lovingly scour us and clean us up.

Becoming more Christ-like is a scouring process at the hand of a loving Savior. When my son Max was one year old, on his birthday—some of you may know this story—because we're good parents, we were at the mall and went to McDonald's. Don't judge me; it was a long time ago. We were at the mall back when they had the play place, which was a kid's dream.

So, I think Nick was two or three, and Max was one on his birthday. There we were, and Max was in the stroller. We had just gotten our breakfast when he lunged up from his stroller against the restraints, reached up, and grabbed the edge of the table, catching the end of the tray. The tray came down, and the other side flipped up, causing a cup of McDonald's coffee to come down and land right on his head. Coffee is hot, and McDonald's coffee is famous for it, right? I was wiping it off him as fast as I could, and we were kind of freaking out. Everything seemed okay; it seemed like it was okay. He had a heavy shirt on.

So that was where the problem was. Anytime it hit where the heavy shirt was, that's where they actually got burned. We pulled that off of him, and it seemed like he was all right. Then, all of a sudden, somebody—I don't even know who—had called the paramedics. They looked over and said two words that I will never forget: "Life flight." I was like, "What?"

The helicopter landed in the parking lot, and they took Max and Jen to fly off to Children's Hospital. Part of the process of healing from burns is that they scour them to ensure that you don't end up with debilitating scar tissue. This is a process that happens for a while. Max was in there for a week.

It's funny because if you know Max, you know this about him: he is a rock. He played as a lineman when he was on the football team. The doctor said that he didn't cry; he just yelled at them. At one year old, he was like, "Ah!" It was unexpected, but I thought, "Okay, well, good. That's my boy."

See, God will lovingly scour us to make us more like Him. He will lovingly inflict pain or allow pain if it is for our benefit. God is playing a long game. He is concerned about our eternal destiny, not momentary comfort. So when it's necessary, there is a lot of scouring that needs to take place.

When we remember that we have said or done something that we shouldn't—something that hurts someone else—verse 24 says to leave your gift there before the altar and go. First, be reconciled to your brother, and then come offer your gift. He calls us to stop right there.

Before the altar, with the sacrifice in hand, a line of people behind you, and priests waiting in front of you, He says, "You stop there and go back to make it right." You leave your gift, go make it right, and then come offer your gift. He didn't say, "Well, you know, when you get home, deal with that." He said, "No, stop. Don't try to draw close to Me in worship if you know that you have something that needs to be taken care of." If you have something that needs to be addressed, He says, "Stop and go take care of it."

What we need to remember is that this is somebody we have wronged by God's standard, not our standard. People we have been angry with, or who were angry without cause, or who insulted us or called us names, regardless of how they have treated us, are still individuals we must consider. We are held accountable for our own actions, thoughts, and reactions, not that person's. Even if they have done something worse—and I know that's not a word, but it conveys the idea—it doesn't excuse what we have done. It doesn't make the way we have acted or reacted right.

God is abundantly clear in offering us examples of this in our own lives, especially if we are married. God will provide us with examples where my reaction is my own; it is not because of what my spouse did. Her reaction was not because of the foolish thing I did. Her reaction is hers, and my reaction is mine. That is the key point we need to remember: we do not get to blame someone else. It doesn't matter what they did or didn't do. My actions, my words, and my opinions are my responsibility. Someone else's wrongdoing toward me does not justify my wrongdoing toward them.

Point two: the Christian does not strive to get even. The Christian strives to become more like Jesus. Jesus was horribly wronged, and yet He forgave. Jesus was wronged, and He showed love. Jesus was wronged, and He gave His life for us, the ones who wronged Him.

You have probably heard this story before, but when Mel Gibson was making "The Passion of the Christ," there was a scene where the nails were driven into Jesus' hands. It was Mel Gibson's hands on the hammer and his hand holding the nail because he understood that it was his sin that put Jesus there. Now, I am not saying Mel Gibson is perfect in his theology; I am just pointing out this one example. It was a moment of Holy Spirit brilliance because it reflects us. It was us who put Him there, and yet He said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do." He could have said, "We can start over. Boom, they're gone; we'll make new ones." It didn't take long; it was seven days, and all you had to do...

We could do it again, but He didn't because He loves us. Sometimes, at this point, we say, "Well, I'm not Jesus." Yes, you're not, but with an attitude like that, you're not going to get any more like Him either. We don't get to just say, "Oh, I just can't do it," because that's not what He said. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. It doesn't mean it's easy. It doesn't mean I'm going to instantly throw off my spiritual training wheels and just start freewheeling all over the place. No, it means we're going to struggle, but we have the opportunity to do better.

Jesus forgives us over and over, loves us even when we hated Him, took the punishment that was rightfully ours, and freed us from sin and death. Then He asks us to reconcile with those we have hurt before we draw close to Him. He says, "That's great, you are My child. Before we have this moment, you need to go fix that."

The second example, though, is a little different. It is about the price of pride. In verse 25, it says, "Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and then you be put in prison. Truly I say to you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penalty."

This example is not of a person on their way to the altar willingly getting close to God. This is somebody who, under legal compulsion or some form of compulsion, is being pulled to the judge. It would be great if all of us, every time, were able to go to God and say, "Lord, I'm drawing close to You, and yes, okay, I will take care of this." But sometimes, either because we're unwilling to or because we don't even see it, we've hurt people and we're refusing to deal with it.

So He says, "Come to terms quickly with the person who has an accusation against you." Notice, once again, if they have an accusation against you, come to terms quickly. Otherwise, things get more and more difficult to set right, and we all know this. If we don't deal with these things when they're fresh, they become entrenched, and it is bad.

You see the escalation here? It moves from a situation between two people to a situation involving two people and a judge, then there's the officer, and then there's jail. All of a sudden, there's a whole prison involved here.

Waiting only makes things worse. We need to deal with it now. If we wait until things become entrenched, they go from little things to big things. They go from grievances to grudges, and then from grudges, they escalate into generational feuds.

When I was nine or ten, we went to visit my grandma. She lived in Iowa, and we lived in Washington, so we only got out there probably every four years. Our whole family went to visit her, and like families do, there were occasional disagreements, mild or otherwise. My mom and my grandma had an argument. I come from a very strong Dutch background, and Dutch people don’t have screaming arguments often, if at all. Everything is handled very much like, "Well, that’s the way you feel," which means, "I hope you die," but it’s very subdued.

At this point, my mom and my grandma were screaming at each other. There was spit flying, and adults were scattering. The kids all got sent upstairs, and we were in my grandma’s house, which was probably a hundred years old. They didn’t have ductwork; they just had registers. There was a register in the ceiling of the room below and one on the floor upstairs. We were all there listening to this unfold. It was funny in some ways, but in other ways, it was absolutely terrifying because we had never heard anything like this before. This kind of argument between my mom and my grandma was shocking; grandmas are supposed to be like cookies and hugs.

That trip ended as well as you can imagine, and it was never dealt with. They never, ever addressed what happened between them. Fast forward about a decade: I had met the woman who was to become my wife while we were in college in Iowa. Grandma’s house was only about 25 minutes away, so I decided to bring my future wife over to meet my grandma. Unfortunately, what had happened was that the grievance had boiled over from just my mom, and now it was...

The rest of the family. So there I am, like 19 years old, sitting there with the woman who is going to be my wife, and my grandma will not speak to us. We're sitting there in the parlor; she won't make eye contact, she won't talk, and she won't even acknowledge that we're there. We spent about five or ten minutes in silence, and then I finally said, "Okay, well, we're going to leave." We left, and I saw my grandma one more time after that, and that was at our wedding. But it still wasn't like, "Hey, Grandma." It was just a brief acknowledgment.

Don't wait for these things to become prisons. It doesn't need to be that way. Instead, handle it like it's the process of bringing your gift to the altar. Make it a process that brings you closer to God and the people that He has placed in your life.

We're going to take a couple of minutes here, and we're going to be totally radical followers of Jesus Christ. We're going to actually do what He has asked us to do. If you'll notice at the bottom of your sheet, we left room to write, and there's room on the back. I want you all to prayerfully make a list of the people that you need to reconcile with. Not people that have wronged you, but people that you need to make things right with—people that you've hurt or slandered, or that you've been holding anger or a grudge against in your heart.

Point three, before we get there: If we don't address our transgressions, they will only get stronger, and they'll choke the joy and the worship out of our lives. If we don't deal with these things, it is miserable. I can tell you from experience, but I don't have to because you all know this. You've seen this happen.

So we're going to take a few minutes. You all are going to write your list. Some of you may need to ask forgiveness of the person sitting next to you. In the first service, I heard that there were some elbows going back and forth. Remember, this is for you. This is not to remind the person next to you that they need to ask you for forgiveness. Some of you may want to send a text to somebody.

You may even want to get up and make a phone call. You have a pastoral pass for the rest of the service. If you need to get up and call somebody to make things right, do it, please. Unfortunately, some people are going to be too stubborn to make that call, send a text, or even write a list. This is a shame. It truly is a shame because it shows that you've elevated your pride over Jesus, and that's not a position you want to be in. So tread carefully.

Ask for forgiveness from the person or the people that you've wronged, even if they were more wrong. The worship team is going to come up and lead a song for us. I encourage you to take advantage of this time. It's painful, but it's good. This is a painfully humbling process. I could show you my text from the last service, but I'm not going to because it's not your business.

God Himself wrote in the book of James, in chapter four, verse ten, that we should humble ourselves in His sight, and He will lift us up. So while it's a painful process, it's a good process.

We are quickly approaching the holidays, a time focused on gratitude and celebrating the birth of our Savior. Let's make it a time where we can, without reservation, bring our gifts to God and reconcile with those we've hurt. Let's have a Thanksgiving celebrated in peace and a Christmas celebrated in joy.

Let me pray for you. Heavenly Father, Lord, as we address some of the things that we find in our hearts...

As we address the things, Lord Jesus, that we've done to others, Father God, as we give up our rights to judge people erroneously and to assume motives, I pray that you would bring us comfort, bring us healing, and bring us peace, Lord Jesus.

For those that we need to reach out to in order to make things right, Father, I pray that you would give us the courage to be the first ones to say that we're sorry. Help us to own our own actions and our reactions, Lord Jesus. Help us to be those who truly show the grace and the forgiveness that you've shown us.

So, Jesus, as we go out from here, make us lights to our families and examples to our friends and coworkers. Make us salt and light, Jesus, in a world that so desperately needs it. We pray these things in your name. Amen.