Absurdities…? | Sunday, October 9, 2022

If any man takes a wife and goes into her and detests her and charges her with shameful conduct and brings a bad name on her... then the father and the mother of that young woman shall take and bring out the evidence of the young woman's virginity to the elders of the city at the gate... (Deuteronomy 22:13-30)

Why do we demand Christians answer for Israel's ancient sexual customs, while excusing the absurdity of our own?

A Passage That Puts Us On Our Heels

We're coming back today to the book of Deuteronomy. Passages like the one before us have a way of putting you back on your heels when you read them. There's a shock for many in our Western culture when they read what we find in Deuteronomy 22, and that shock leads some people to feel that Old Testament passages need a kind of trigger warning. This is definitely one of those passages.

But as I read through it this week, I came to think the shock we feel actually reveals the extent to which we in the West live in a strange bubble. This passage deals with difficult topics—marriage, infidelity, divorce, fornication, incest, even rape. In one respect, when we see how Israel under Moses dealt with these issues 3,400 years ago, we are shocked, because we live incredibly sheltered lives in Western Europe and North America. Yet at the same time, our culture is shocked by this text because we live in a highly sexualized, highly promiscuous society with hyper-liberal views on sex—and that is now the norm.

Who Has to Answer for What?

As Christians, we are sometimes asked to answer for the weird things in the Old Testament. Someone says, "You believe what the Bible says? What about a woman being treated as the property of her father or husband? What about a man divorcing his wife because she wasn't a virgin? What about a text that seems to say it isn't rape if the woman didn't protest?" We're put on our heels, questioning whether passages like this are really the word of God—even though the New Testament says all Scripture is given by inspiration of God and is infallible in its original autographs.

I find it fascinating that Christians are made to answer for cultural customs in Israel circa 1400 BC, while the critic never has to answer for the absurdity of our own sexual customs in 2022. I'm old enough to remember when "hooking up" with someone meant hanging out with them. Now it means a casual sexual encounter, and college statistics report that between 60 and 80 percent of young adults say they have hooked up, sometimes with ten or more partners during their university years. So I'll accept that this text may be strange to us—but I think we need to recognize that our culture's views are equally absurd, if not more so.

The "Weird" World and the Majority World

This statute from Moses is strange to us because, in one sense, we don't get out very much. What's revealed here was not shocking to anyone living 3,400 years ago in the ancient Near East, and it's not shocking to most people living today in what's called the majority world. We in the United States, North America, and Western Europe live in the weird world—Western, Educated, Industrialized, Rich, and Democratic. The majority world is everywhere else: the global South, the Middle East, much of Asia—what used to be called the third world or developing nations.

The majority world is largely guided by an honor-and-shame framework and functions under what sociologists call socially enforced monogamy. Marriage is still important, virginity is still highly valued, and sexual interaction outside of marriage is still considered immoral. We don't live in that world at all. We live in a world where casual sexual encounters are normative, where people swipe right or left for an encounter that has nothing attached to it.

There's a growing demographic of Westerners afraid that Christians might impose "traditional values" from passages like this. They even make HBO shows about that fear. But what's crazy is that many people in the majority world are afraid that weird Americans might force our promiscuous absurdity upon them. Westerners look at our liberal society as highly progressive; much of the rest of the world looks at us as weird and regressive. Who's right? Jesus said wisdom is justified by her children—outcomes matter. Is our hyper-sexualized society producing a better culture, or significant problems? I'm not saying we go back to verses 13-17, but it's worth considering which is a more fulfilling life: a promiscuous one, or one focused on monogamy.

Why Virginity and Marriage Mattered So Much

In the ancient world, prosperity and success were not what we think of today. For Israel under Moses, prosperity was inextricably linked to long life, lineage, and legacy. You were considered successful if you had a long life, a large household with many children, and something to leave to your descendants. In our weird world, success is linked to power, celebrity, possessions, popularity, and pleasure. Get a lot of stuff, have a lot of sex, become an influential celebrity—and you're prosperous.

If long life, descendants, and legacy are essential, then marriage and family are essential. And if marriage and family matter, then a good name and a good marriage for your children matter greatly. Now suppose your daughter was betrothed and married, the marriage consummated, and then her husband decided he no longer wanted her. To get rid of her, he charges her with sexual misconduct before the wedding. If those charges were believed, they would destroy her—she would be unmarriable, unable to have children—and they would likely destroy your family's standing. Your life would be cut short, your lineage cut off, your legacy lost. This is a really big deal.

How Jewish Marriage Worked

Marriage customs 3,000 years ago were quite different. A Jewish girl was often married fairly young, in her early teens; a Jewish man typically by twenty. Before marriage came the betrothal period, which could last a year or more. During that time the man and woman were legally married—considered husband and wife—but they had not yet come together, lived together, or interacted sexually. If, during that betrothal period, the wife was found pregnant or engaging sexually with someone other than her betrothed, she could be put away, divorced, and even prosecuted for adultery. Great shame would come on her and her family.

So how do you guard against a false accusation? Enter this strange thing for 21st-century readers—the proof of virginity. Verse 15 says the parents bring out the evidence of their daughter's virginity to the elders at the gate. There are two explanations among commentators. One is that this was proof of her most recent menstruation, showing she was not pregnant at the time of marriage—they had no pregnancy tests. The other, as one commentator writes, is that a wise bride provided a marriage cloth that would be stained at the consummation of the marriage; later, if her husband lied about her, she and her parents could present that cloth as evidence. "No faithful woman would want her reputation blemished or her future destroyed just because of a hateful man's lie."

The Law Protects the Woman, Punishes the Man

In verse 18, if the husband's charge is shown false, the elders punish him—beat him—and fine him one hundred shekels of silver, given to the father. That's roughly double the bride price, equivalent, one commentator says, to about ten years' wages. And he can never divorce his wife all his days. Strange as this seems, such customs are still observed in the majority world. Missionaries we support, who served years in Sudan, told us just this week that this was still the custom there within the last ten or fifteen years.

As one commentator put it, "The law protected the woman and punished the man." Generally, this shows that the people of God highly valued marital fidelity and punished false charges against it. But what if the charge was true? Verse 20 says if the evidence is not found, she is brought out and stoned, because she has done a disgraceful thing in Israel. We look at this and say it's bizarre and heavy. The critic asks, "Should we capitally punish adulterers today, as your Bible says?" And you have to admit: that is what this passage says. The Old Testament highly values marital fidelity and punishes both false and true charges against it.

The Heaviness of the Law

How do we make sense of this? Hebrews 10:28 says anyone who rejected Moses's law "dies without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses." The law brings death; it is a heavy burden. And yet the law is holy, righteous, and good. Paul says in Romans 7, "I was alive once without the law, but when the commandment came, sin revived and I died. The commandment which was to bring life I found to bring death." The law is holy, just, and good—but it is heavy, and it kills.

And it doesn't only kill the unchaste. Verse 22 says if a man is found lying with another man's wife, both shall die. Verse 23 says if a betrothed virgin is found with a man in the city, both are stoned—she because she did not cry out, which implied consent. There's heavy, bizarre material here, and it is a stumbling block for many. But marriage and marital fidelity were of high value to the people of God, because in reality they are of high value to God. God created marriage. He invented it. So He gets to define it, order it, and set its purpose.

Seven Reasons Marriage Matters to God

For decades I've done premarital counseling, and I share with couples seven reasons marriage is important to God.

First, partnership. God made them male and female and joins them as husband and wife to be helpers to one another. Second, provision. Marriage is a place where the husband provides for his wife and the wife cares for her husband. Third, pleasure. First Corinthians 7, Proverbs 5, and the entire Song of Solomon show that the husband and wife enjoy one another. Fourth, procreation. The very first commandment in Genesis 1:28 is to be fruitful and multiply.

Fifth, purity. Marriage guards us from sexual immorality, as First Corinthians 7 teaches. Sixth, perfection—that is, sanctification. God uses your spouse to change, transform, and sanctify you, to make you a better man or woman. Seventh, and most important, a picture. Ephesians 5 tells us the marriage union is a picture of the oneness relationship God desires to have with us. This last reason is why God is so serious about marriage and expects it to be honorable among all and the marriage bed undefiled (Hebrews 13). We are called the bride of Christ, and the bride price He paid was very high—He died to make us His bride. The people of God value marriage because God has highly esteemed it.

Rape, Justice, and the Protection of the Vulnerable

Moses continues in verse 25: if a man finds a betrothed woman in the countryside and forces her, only the man shall die; the young woman has done nothing deserving death. Once again, the command protects the woman and punishes the man. This is clearly rape. They had no police force or forensic investigators 3,400 years ago, so their way of determining the crime was rudimentary by our standards. But even so, they acknowledged a crime was committed and dealt with it justly. They valued women, cherished chastity, and honored marriage—because God esteemed it.

Verse 28 is even stranger: if a man finds an unbetrothed virgin and seizes her and lies with her, he gives her father fifty shekels and she becomes his wife, never to be divorced. Scholars debate whether "seizes" means forcible rape or a consensual act discovered. The text isn't perfectly clear, which leaves two difficult interpretive paths. But the core principle remains: monogamy is important to God. God esteems marriage, values fidelity, detests divorce, and honors chastity. The heaviness of these laws bears that out. The chapter ends with a final word—a man shall not take his father's wife—an incestuous relationship that is sinful before God.

The Law's Greatest Work: It Points to Jesus

The law is holy, right, and true; its decrees are just and its judgments good. The people of God bear the burdensome weight of it. Yet the law's greatest and most important work is not judgment. Galatians 3 says the law is our schoolmaster, our tutor, directing us to Christ that we might be justified by faith in Him. And here's the amazing thing: Jesus, who came to bear the weight of the law for us, was conceived and born under circumstances that go straight back to Deuteronomy 22.

Mary was found to be with child by the Holy Spirit during her betrothal to Joseph. Joseph had a decision: divorce her, make a public example of her, even have the law prosecute her. Matthew 1 tells us that Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to make a public example of her, was minded to put her away secretly—until the angel said, "Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife, for what is conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit... and you shall call His name Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins." If anyone understood the heavy weight of the law regarding marital fidelity, it was the family of Jesus.

Jesus Makes the Law Heavier—and Bears It

Jesus's teaching makes the law even more burdensome than Moses. In the Sermon on the Mount He said, "You have heard it said, you shall not commit adultery, but I say to you that whoever looks on a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." He increases the weight of the law—but He also deals with my sin and yours, fulfilling its righteous requirement on our behalf. He who knew no sin became sin for us, that we might receive His righteousness (2 Corinthians 5:21). He did that on the cross so He could have mercy on the adulterer.

Does Jesus give mercy to adulterers? Indeed He does—gospel news—because there isn't a person alive who isn't ultimately an adulterer of heart if Jesus's words are true. In John 8 the scribes and Pharisees brought a woman caught in adultery, reminding Jesus that Moses commanded such a one be stoned. Jesus stooped and wrote on the ground, then said, "He who is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone." Convicted by conscience, they left one by one. Then He asked, "Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?" "No one, Lord." "Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more."

The people of God rejoice in His mercy because we frequently fall short and need His forgiving grace. Jesus bore our sin on the cross, fulfilling the burdensome weight of the law on our behalf so He could give us forgiveness, mercy, grace, and salvation—and then say, "Go and sin no more." Isaiah saw this day coming: "Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows... He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities... and by His stripes we are healed... and the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all" (Isaiah 53).

Yes, the Old Testament law in Deuteronomy 22 is a burden too heavy for us to bear, and it points us to Jesus, who bore all of it for us. We read it and say, "I could never keep this." That's right—and Jesus bore all of it for you and me, so He could give us forgiving grace and say, "Go and sin no more. I don't condemn you."

Closing Prayer

Father God, I pray that we would take to heart the words of Deuteronomy chapter 22, and that we would seek to honor marriage in the same way that You honor marriage—because marriage and fidelity in marriage are important to You, since that relationship is meant to illustrate the oneness You desire to have with us. Lord, help us to honor it, that the marriage bed would be undefiled and honored by us. But Lord, help us also to recognize all the ways we fall short, and that You are the one who bears the heavy weight of the law so that You can give us forgiving grace and say to us, "Go and sin no more. I don't condemn you." God, help us by Your Holy Spirit to walk in righteousness this week. For we ask this in Jesus' name. Amen.