Keys of The Kingdom 8 - Wives, Submit

One of the hardest things for any of us to do is to submit to another person. It's almost impossible in our own nature to be able to do it, especially in the context of the text we are looking at today in First Peter chapter 3, which deals with the submission of wives to husbands. Our culture fights against this, so we need to examine it through what the Scriptures are saying and what the Lord is trying to teach us.

Open to First Peter chapter 3 and check it out with us. Amen? Good morning! How are you all doing today? That's about to change.

Would you open your Bibles to 1 Peter chapter 3? If you don't have a Bible, you can raise your hand, and one of our ushers will bring you one. First Peter chapter 3 is near the end of your Bible, so go to the very back. You'll find Revelation, and then turn back from there. You'll pass Jude and 1st, 2nd, and 3rd John, and then you'll find 1 Peter and 2 Peter.

1 Peter chapter 3, verse 1. If you would, please stand with me for the reading of God's Word.

1 Peter 3:1 states, "Wives, likewise be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they without a word may be won by the conduct of their

You'd give us insight, wisdom, understanding, and grace to be able to hear these things, to understand these things, and to take these things into our hearts and apply them in our lives. So, God, transform us by the renewing of our minds so that we would glorify and honor You in the world in which we live. That we would shine as lights in a dark world. Make us more like You, Jesus. We ask this in Jesus' name, and all those that agreed said, "Amen."

Amen. You can be seated.

Gender equality is the ruling mantra of 21st-century American society and culture. It certainly didn't begin in the 21st century, but it has become one of the foremost cultural issues of our day. It started decades ago with the desire to dissolve the gender gap and level the playing field. In this discussion, the group that is pushing for this change sees the teachings of the Bible as Public Enemy Number One. Their foremost target is what they perceive as the archaic, antiquated, and obsolete teachings of Scripture.

If you pay attention to some of the discussions on this topic that find their way into the news media and commentary programs, you will see that this is the target they point out. They ask, "How can you possibly believe these things?" They use phrases like "wives submit to your husbands" and respond with disbelief, saying, "You can't be serious." A very loud and well-funded group looks at this and claims it was written by men, preached solely by a male-dominated culture, and directed at a male-dominated audience. They argue that this is 2,000 years old and that we have progressed far beyond this. They question how anyone could possibly think that these teachings are still valid or true.

To take it, no, we're not going to take it. We're not going to take it anymore. Ironically, this sentiment is sung by a group of guys with long curly hair and makeup called Twisted Sister.

You can't be serious; that is how this is viewed. If you're a believer in the Bible, if you are a Christian today, you are looked at as being insane for holding this as divinely inspired truth from God. Maybe you're here today as a skeptic, and you look at this and say there is just no way that this can be truth, that we can in any way take this on and follow what is being said here. We have to cast off this sort of mindset and thinking, as a very large and growing segment of people in our day are saying.

Let me be clear as we get into this text. As we look at it, there is a gender gap. Anyone that says there is not a gender gap is fooling themselves. There is a gender gap; it is a very real thing. It's real in our nation, and it's very real in other nations throughout the world. It is real throughout history. Most cultures and societies throughout history were and are patriarchal societies. Unfortunately, in many of those systems and societies, you have seen an inequality as it relates to men and women.

So, there is a gender gap. It is really important that in the time in which we live, where people are pointing out that there is a gender gap and it needs to be dealt with, we should agree that the gender gap should be leveled. It should be dissolved; there should be equality between genders.

However, in a time like ours, where people are saying the problem is the Scriptures, we who believe the Scriptures need to stand up and say, "Well, hold on, time out for just a minute." You see, the United Nations—I don't typically use the United Nations as an example point—but the United Nations has done research on this whole issue of the gender gap. They have actually gone nation by nation to consider gender equality and the gender gap based on nation. You can go and look at some of their findings. Oftentimes, it's represented in a world map that has a spectrum of colors. In that spectrum of colors, they may have dark green, which shows you nations where there is more equality.

Gender equality varies significantly across nations. Some countries are marked in green, indicating smaller gender gaps and greater gender equality, while others are dark red, representing a lack of gender equality and a large gender gap. The remarkable thing is that you don't need to be highly intelligent to analyze this data. The nations that are green, where the gender gap is smallest and gender equality is greatest, have been influenced by the Bible. This observation should tell you something important.

The words written by Peter and the Apostle Paul 2,000 years ago, such as "wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands," need to be understood within the framework of where the gospel and the Word of God have spread. In those places, there has been an increase in gender equality and a reduction in the gender gap. This is provable and evident in the data. The teachings of Jesus and those written by His early followers, which we find in the New Testament, promote the freedom and equality of women. They advocate for the freedom and equality of all people.

When you examine the scriptures from Genesis to Revelation, you begin to see that the Bible promotes the intrinsic equality of all humanity. It is stated in our own founding doctrine that all men are created equal. The term "men" here refers not just to males but to humanity as a whole. This is the teaching of the scriptures from the very beginning: all human beings, whether male or female, are created by God as equals.

Furthermore, in the early chapters of the Bible, it becomes clear that in the eyes of God, the Creator who made us male and female, man is incomplete without woman. All the ladies can say, "Amen!" This is not just a romantic saying; it is actually biblical. Ladies, you complete us; at least, that is how God sees it. Man is incomplete without the presence of woman.

A counterpart without a helper comparable to him, not a helper under him, and not a helper over him, but a helper comparable to him. Even in the language that God chose to use to reveal the creation of woman, He says that God took from man's side and made woman, fashioned her, and brought her to man. She was taken from his side so that they would be side by side in this union as equals. That's how God sees it.

Well, why, asks the skeptic in our day, does it seem that in the Old Testament women were often subjugated by men? Understand that the Bible reports the facts of a fallen world; it does not endorse that as the way it should be. God created us as equals, and where the word of God has had influence in the world, those nations have seen an increase in gender equality and a lessening of the gender gap. That's very clear; the data supports it.

But, and yes, you knew there was one coming, the Bible also teaches and promotes the important significance of the uniqueness of the sexes, the uniqueness of males, and the uniqueness of females. The modern gender equality movement wants us to accept that men and women are entirely the same other than anatomy. Therefore, if you want to identify as a man and you're a woman, or as a woman and you're a man, in our day and age, society that is pushing for gender equality as they see it says that you are entirely the same other than anatomy. They argue that we can change anatomy medically, and then you can be whatever you want to be.

But let me inform you of something that you already inherently know and understand. If you've been around the Bible for any length of time, God created man, male and female, and the differences between male and female are more than just anatomical differences. If you've been a parent of boys and girls...

This is the case with mere observation. Before they can even articulate sentences, you can see maleness and femaleness in your kids. I have two boys and two girls, and from the youngest ages, you can discern maleness. My sons, even before they could string together letters to form a sentence, would pick up a Barbie doll and turn it into a sword or a gun. There's something innate there. My daughters, whether it's Legos—now a hit toy for girls as well—or G.I. Joes from another era, or whatever it may be, would take Transformers, which have guns, and turn them into a mommy and daddy in a house. There’s something there, and it’s more than just anatomy.

The Bible promotes that there is a unique difference between the sexes. However, in our culture today, the modern gender equality movement is saying there’s no difference, other than anatomy. We need to break down any sort of barriers other than anatomy, and even that we can change medically. Young girls, you need to know that anything you can do, men can do better. I can do anything better than you. Note well: the intrinsic equality and inherent dignity of men and women does not equal total sameness. There are differences that God created, and He created them for His glory and for His purpose.

We were created uniquely by God, every single one of us, whether you’re a man or a woman. God created you unique. The mass of gender confusion that we are seeing in our day is a direct outgrowth of the diminishing of the uniqueness of the sexes. Let’s get rid of all of that, and then what you have is gender confusion. That’s where it comes from. Why are there people today who are gender confused? Because we’ve told them that it doesn’t matter; there’s no difference between male and female. Yet everything within us says, “No, there is a difference.” There is a difference.

Well, okay, you say, but if what you’re saying is true, if the Bible teaches the equality of...

Humanity, both male and female, raises the question of how to reconcile the principle taught by Peter and Paul that wives should submit to their own husbands. This is the question, isn't it? It is a question that a world committed to rejecting what God has instituted and set in order struggles with. The uniqueness of man, the uniqueness of woman, and the roles of men and women within the confines of marriage, which God ordained, are often challenged by our culture.

Our culture is against this divine order because it is under the sway of one called the Wicked One, the enemy, the adversary of God—the devil. He wants to destroy everything that God has made to represent His glory. Understand that the devil seeks to undermine all that God has created to reflect His glory. The Apostle Paul tells us in Ephesians chapter 5 that marriage, instituted by God, is a picture through which God desires to glorify Himself. He made it a beautiful representation of the kind of relationship He wants with His creation, with us.

However, the enemy comes in and tries to disrupt and destroy this divine design. If the Bible teaches the equality of human beings, both male and female, how do we reconcile what seems, at face value, to be a teaching that influences the subjugation of women? We must admit, as honest Christians, that throughout the last 2,000 years, some individuals have sadly attempted to use the passages of Scripture we are examining today to press down women or other minority groups. The Bible does not allow for that whatsoever, as we will see as we go through this passage today.

When we look at a passage like "Wives, likewise be submissive to your own husbands" (1 Peter 3:1), we must consider it in the larger context in which it is situated. The only way to understand it is to grasp its context, which is very clear. Unfortunately, the way we have been approaching this passage can make the clarity a little muddy. We have taken what was a letter, a continuous stream of thought, and...

We've broken it up into chapters and verses. The numbers for chapters and verses were added much later to make it easy for me to stand up on a Sunday and say, "Would you turn your Bibles to 1 Peter 3:1?" This allows everyone to get there quickly and be on the same page. However, originally, this was written as one continuous flow of thought; it was written as a letter.

If you read it as one continuous flow of thought, you see that 1 Peter 3:1-6, which says wives are to submit to their own husbands, does not stand alone. It is part of a much larger section of Scripture that deals with submission. We have looked at this over the last three weeks. Going back two weeks ago, we saw that passage speaking to people about submitting to human government, to honor, respect, and willingly submit yourself under the structures of human government.

Then last week, we examined another section of Scripture that said those living in this world who are employed should submit themselves to the person who is over them. These teachings apply to most people; all of us live under a human government, and most of us are living under some sort of employment opportunity where we have someone who is over us.

Here’s the hard part: those people who are over us, who occupy the office of Governor or the office of Boss, are our equals. That is what the Bible teaches. They are not better than us, smarter than us, or higher than us in some sort of class ranking. Understand that class systems and caste systems are the result of the fallenness of humanity, but that is not the way that God intended things. We are all equal.

So, that Governor is equal to us, not greater than us. That Boss is equal to us, not greater than us. We stand on equal footing, and yet God has called us, as we've seen in this passage, to yield ourselves and to submit to those structures.

Why is this even a thing? Well, it's a thing because when a person becomes a follower of God, the Bible says that they now have a new Lord, Master, or King—use whatever wording you want—but you have submitted yourself to a new Master. Furthermore, you are part of a new kingdom, the Kingdom of God, that will endure forever. The Apostle Paul, in Philippians chapter 3, says that Christians are citizens of...

Heaven is described as being the home of those who are now citizens of another kingdom, the subjects of another King. This raises the question: does that mean I no longer have to obey the human structures under which I live? Jesus says no; you don't get to opt out. This becomes difficult for Christians because they sometimes find themselves in situations where governmental institutions or employment situations are opposed to the Scriptures, opposed to Jesus.

In that framework, we begin to feel a tendency to resist, thinking, "We're not going to take it anymore." God inspires Peter to write to Christians living in such structures, saying, "No, listen, if you're under a human government, you need to submit yourself to that human government." Why? He explains, as Paul does in Romans chapter 13, that those governmental structures are ordained by God. The governor, whoever that earthly leader may be, is a minister of God; therefore, you should submit to them as to the Lord.

Paul, in Ephesians 6:5, states that if you have an employer-employee relationship and you are an employee, then you need to submit yourself to your boss as to the Lord. Essentially, that person who oversees your work is in a position that is divinely ordained. God has set them there and placed you under that situation. He instructs you to yield to them, to revere them, to respect them, and to honor them as if that person were Jesus.

We might respond, "Well, that person's not Jesus, and they're not very nice; they're kind of harsh." However, even to the harsh, can you imagine how society might be different if people actually did that? I imagine it would probably be a lot different, likely for the better.

In 1 Peter 2:13-17, we considered submission to earthly government. In 1 Peter 2:18-25, we examined submission to employers. Now, in this passage, which does not stand alone, we find another exhortation towards submission.

Wives, likewise, submit yourselves to your own husbands. We need to understand this in the context of First Peter; it doesn't stand alone, but we must also consider it within the larger framework of the Bible. The exhortation for wives to be submissive to their own husbands is built upon the foundation of the equality of men and women. This is the broader context of the Bible.

It is essential to recognize that this submission is not forced; it is a calling to which God calls you if you are a wife. It is something that He expects you to willingly offer. He is not imposing it upon you. The key to understanding submission—whether to government, to your employer, or to your husband—is that Peter is writing to Christians. If you are a Christian, a follower of Jesus today, then your calling by God is to submit yourself to earthly government, to serve your master as an employee, and, if you are a wife, to submit yourself in the context of the God-ordained relationship of marriage.

This is the call of God. Therefore, point number one on your outline: the call to submission is a call to Christians. With this contextual backdrop, we read, "Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands." The culture we live in, which is opposed to this thinking, does not interpret this as "wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands." Instead, they read it as "women, be submitted and subjugated to men." However, that is not what the text says. The text specifically states, "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands." It is important to emphasize and highlight the word "own."

Husbands, be subject. Now, the word that is associated or the words that are connected to the idea of submission here in 1 Peter chapter 3, in Ephesians chapter 5, and in Colossians chapter 3, where Paul speaks about it, are the words honor and respect. Honor and respect show submission. Submission does not mean to be subservient, subjected under, or placed low. It means to willingly offer honor and respect.

The Scriptures do not teach that women are to be subservient, submissive, and subjected to men. The Scriptures do teach that Christian wives are to honor and respect their husbands, which is a position of submission. They are saying, "Though we are equals, I am willingly subjecting myself to your headship and recognizing that you have a position that God has framed and set up."

Point number two on your outline: Christian wives are called to submit to their own husbands. This is the calling of God. Yes, a non-Christian, non-believing society says this is insane. If they are not followers of God, then fine, they don't have to follow this. However, we will see the breakdown of marriage if they don't, and I think we would all agree that we've seen that.

If you are a Christian and a follower of Jesus, and you happen to be a wife under the ordinance of marriage that God created, then He says Christian wives are to be submitted to their own husbands. They are to honor and respect their own husbands.

The first question that arises from this is, "Why?" Well, number one, in answering the question of why a Christian wife should be submitted to her own husband, I've already alluded to it, but the point is very clear: God is the creator of marriage. Marriage is not the institution or framework that culture has built or that man has created. God instituted marriage when He created man and woman, and the two were joined together as one flesh. God was the one who oversaw, created, and instituted marriage. Therefore, since God is the institutor...

The creator of marriage has the authority to define what marriage is and how it is to be lived. He says that marriage, as He created it, is the relationship of a man and a woman who are equals, joined together as one. Yet, in that relationship, the woman is called to be in rank under her husband and to honor and respect him. That is what God says; this is how it is to be.

You can say, "Well, I don't like that, and I don't want to do that." He responds, "Okay, but if you don't do that, then the marriage will break down and fall apart." It is very similar to the people who made this phone. They say, "Here, you can buy this phone; you can have this phone. It's your phone, and you can take it, but here is how we prescribe that you use it. This is the way that you should use this phone, and this is the way that you should not use it."

If I say, "Well, I don't like your rules, and I want to be able to use this in the shower," they might respond, "Okay, you can use it in the shower, but here's the problem: that's not the way we made it to work. If you use it in the shower, it'll break, and the warranty will be void."

God, the creator of marriage, says, "Listen, I made marriage, and if you use it as I prescribe, as I have outlined in the instruction manual, it will work. But if you don't, it won't." How many would agree today that we have seen the breakdown of marriage in society? Our society says, "Well, we're not going to take it anymore; we're not going to do what the owner's manual says." And God says, "Okay, warranty void."

So, you come into the office, you come into the Genius Bar, and you say, "We're having a problem in our marriage; we need help." We say, "Okay, come in." You tell us what's going on, and we respond, "Yeah, you didn't follow the owner's manual." You might say, "Yeah, but I don't want to."

At that point, we can't help you. The warranty is void, and we can't fix it. Why don't I want to do that? Because my nature, your nature, hates submission. We are seeing this in the most strange way right now. It is such a comical thing to me, what is happening in our political system. I just look at it and laugh. We don't like it; we don't want to submit to it. It's just our nature.

Nature is just our nature. So, why should a wife submit to her husband? Well, that's how God ordered marriage, which He created. Secondly, the submission of Christian wives to their husbands is honorable to the Lord. Why should you do this? Because it's honorable to the Lord.

How do I know that? Well, in Ephesians 5:22, Paul says, "Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord." We are to submit ourselves to human government. They are not better than us; the governor, the leader, the king—whoever it is—is not higher, better, more valuable, or more worthy. But we, as equals, are to submit ourselves to them as to the Lord, as stated in Romans 13. Employees are to submit themselves to their employers, as mentioned in Ephesians 6:5. Christian wives are to submit themselves, honor, and respect their husbands as to the Lord.

Next point on your outline: this reveals to us that submission is a form of worship. Submission is a form of worship. When I willingly honor those who are in leadership over me, whether in government or in employment, or when wives honor their husbands, it is a form of worship to God. This is an exhortation, a command to Christians living as sojourners and pilgrims in a world that is not their eternal home. The submission of Christian wives is an honorable position to God.

So, why should a wife submit to her husband? Number one, it's the way that God designed and intended marriage. Number two, it is honorable to God. Number three, the submission of a Christian wife is a witness to an unbelieving husband.

Look at 1 Peter 3:1. The second half of verse one states, "Wives, likewise be submitted to your own husbands, so that even if some husbands do not obey the word or do not believe in the Scriptures, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives."

When they husbands observe your wives' chaste conduct accompanied by fear, here's the problem: We read the word "fear" in 21st-century English in the United States of America as "terror." However, the original concept and idea of this word "fear" here is actually the word "reverence" or "respect." What Peter is saying is that you, believing Christian wives, should submit to your husbands even if he is not a believer. Your witness of honor and respect to him might be the very thing that brings him to Jesus.

Would you agree that the submission of wives to husbands is not a natural value in our society? What kind of witness is it to a husband who is not a believer when his wife honors and respects him? I would suggest it's a huge witness.

Christians in the first century, to whom Peter was writing, said, "We have a new king, and we are of a new kingdom." Does that mean we don't have to submit ourselves to the king and kingdom of this world? Peter says no; you have to submit yourself to it. We have a new king, a new master; we are his servants. Does that mean I no longer have to be submitted to my employer as a servant? No, you don't get that out.

Now, Christian wives in the first century, to whom both Paul and Peter wrote, figured, "I've become a follower of Jesus; I'm the bride of Christ. He's now my husband." That's the metaphorical speech used in the Scriptures. Does that mean I can get out of this marriage that I don't like because he's not a believer? Peter says no.

Was that actually a problem? Yes, it was. Paul, in 1 Corinthians chapter 7, writes to Christian women who were wives. They thought, "Now that I've become a Christian and my husband is not a Christian and he doesn't want to become one, that means the marriage is null and void. I can get out of it." Paul says no; actually, you get to be a witness to your husband through your respect.

No, you are not inferior to him. No, he is not better than you. No, he may not even deserve it. No, it probably won't be easy. Yes, it will be honoring.

God, yes, it will take hard work, and yes, He will notice. How will it take hard work? Well, look at what Paul or Peter says in 1 Peter 3:3. Wives, Christian wives, do not let your adornment be merely outward—the arranging of the hair, the wearing of gold, the putting on of fine clothes. Rather, let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.

Being submissive to a husband is hard work. The clearest sense of verses 3 and 4 of 1 Peter 3 is this: you, as a Christian wife, should spend at least as much time, attention, resources, and effort on adorning the inward person of the heart as you do on the outward person of the flesh. Notice that Peter does not say that you, as a Christian wife, should not adorn yourself. He says your adornment should not merely be that.

You can adorn yourself; you can get your hair done, you can get your nails done, you can put on makeup, you can buy nice clothes, and you can wear gold jewelry. However, what he is saying here is that the energy, effort, time, and resources that you put into that should at least match what you invest in adorning the inward person of the heart. Why? Because he says that is incorruptible beauty.

What does that mean? Simply this: how many of you have sadly come to the realization that physical beauty fades? Put that hand down. Physical beauty is like milk; it spoils, curdles, and smells. It does, and I don't care how much plastic you put on it—after a while, the plastic starts to not look so good either. But spiritual inward beauty is incorruptible. It does not decay. So, if physical beauty is like milk that curdles, spoils, and stinks, spiritual beauty is like fine wine; it gets better with age.

At any age, you should at least put as much effort, time, and resources into the inward person of the heart as you do into the external tent. This body is not going to heaven.

Point number four: submissive behavior requires tremendous effort. I am not diminishing the fact that this is not easy. It is not easy to submit to a government you don't agree with. It is not easy to honor and respect an employer who is harsh. It is not easy, even if the husband is a nice guy, for a woman to submit to her husband. It takes tremendous effort.

However, if you give time, attention, and resources to getting your nails done, your hair done, nice clothing, nice accessories, and putting on makeup, then you should at least dedicate as much time to the inward person of the heart. Why? Because it may have eternal consequences. The hidden person, the gentle spirit, is what truly matters.

Peter continues to provide an example in 1 Peter 3:5. He writes, "For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted God also adorned themselves." Yes, they adorned themselves with physical beauty, but they also adorned the inward person. They adorned themselves by being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah, an Old Testament saint married to Abraham, the father of our faith, did. Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him "Lord." You are her daughters if you do good and are not afraid with terror.

Point number five on your outline: submissive behavior is a sign of holiness. It is evidence of holiness. You see it in verse 5, where it states, "For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted God." Their holiness was evidenced in their submissiveness to their husbands, even when their husbands were difficult. Let me tell you, read the book of Genesis.

Abraham was pretty dopey sometimes. He said to his beautiful wife, Sarah, "Listen, we're going into this town, and they're going to kill me because you're really hot." She responded, "Well, that's really nice of you to say. I'm so pretty." He continued, "Yes, but they're going to kill me, so pretend you're not my wife. Tell them you're my sister." Bonehead did it twice! I mean, come on. You'd think he'd learn, but we don't learn. Ladies, we don't learn. It takes like a hundred times for us to say, "Okay, that was a dumb decision. I won't do that again."

We finally get to verse seven. Husbands, and all the ladies go, "Oh, thank God!" Husbands, likewise, in the same manner, he said, "Wives, likewise in the same manner as what I spoke to servants and to those under government." Now, husbands, in the same manner, dwell with them, wives, with understanding, giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. Period. End of story. That's it.

All the ladies go, "Wait a minute! It seems like verse seven is much shorter than verses one through six." And you're right; that was a good observation. There are only 34 words in verse seven, while there are 131 words in verses one through six. Ladies go, "Wait, what gives? I don't get this."

Okay, it's simply this: guys need simple instructions. Right, guys? Let's hold it. I have two test subjects that are male and two test subjects that are female. You can say to the female test subjects, "Go up to your room, brush your teeth, make your bed, put on your clothes, and come down for breakfast," and they go and do that. You say to the boys, "Go upstairs and brush your teeth." That's all you tell them. Then when they say, "Hey, I did that," you respond, "Okay, now upstairs, make your bed." They go do that. We just need simple instructions.

My best man at my wedding, Mark Surl, oversees the children's ministry with his wife, Sonia. Just before I got married, he put together this little PowerPoint presentation. Mark loves PowerPoint presentations. He showed a picture with "Women" on one side and "Men" on the other. On the side that said "Women," there were all these dials, buttons, lights, and gauges. On the "Men" side, there was just a light switch: on and off. That's it. So, ladies, when it says, "Husbands, dwell with them with..."

Understanding your wife requires effort and patience. It is often harder than it seems. For example, I have been married for ten years, and I still don’t understand my wife any more than I did when we first got married. The hardest part about being a husband is that wives do not always conform to the scientific method. The scientific method goes like this: you conduct an experiment in a certain way, and you get a specific outcome. However, you could do the same thing, in the same way, with the same words every day with your wife, and you will have a different outcome. I don’t get it, but I sure do love her.

The Bible instructs us to dwell with our wives with understanding. This takes real effort. If you are a husband today or if you plan on becoming one someday, take careful note of this: we should work to become experts in understanding our wives. It is challenging. I really thought I understood women before I got married, but I quickly realized how mistaken I was. The reason it is so hard to understand is that God has designed your wife in a much more intricate way than He made you. There is a complexity in her design that is clearly evident, and it takes time and effort to appreciate it.

As Christian husbands, we are called to give honor to our wives. When you made vows to your wife before witnesses, you promised to love, honor, and cherish her for as long as you both shall live. Interestingly, the Greek word for honor is "timao," which is transliterated as "t-i-m-a." This word has no association with time, but I find it intriguing because you show your honor by giving your time. You demonstrate that you value her by investing your time in her.

Time is a challenge for me, and it's hard for every guy. I'm not perfect at this. I'm reading the Scriptures and thinking, "Oh man, dwell with them with understanding. Really honor your wife." He also says to give honor to your wife.

Here's the thing, guys: you understand fantasy football because you put a lot of time into it. You understand how an engine works because you spend a lot of time with it. You understand how your computer works because you invest time there. However, you'll never understand your wife if you don't spend some time trying to figure her out.

So, point number six on your outline is that being an understanding husband takes time. Peter also says that not only should you dwell with your wife with understanding, but you should give honor to her. Thirdly, he mentions that you should recognize your wife as the weaker vessel. Husbands, if you are a Christian husband, you need to respect that your wife is fragile. Fragile simply means easily broken.

Some of the most valuable things in our society are fragile, and you will honor your wife's value if you recognize that she is easily broken. We all understand this because, as men, we break our wives' hearts constantly with our bumbling ways. We need to pray, "Lord, help me to do this."

Fourthly, remember that your wife is a co-heir with you of the grace of life. This means that you and your wife are equals. She is not lower than you or less than you. Do not lord your authority or position over her. If you ever say to your wife, "Wife, submit," here's something you can know instantly: if those words come out of your mouth and you are trying to force your authority, you instantly demonstrate that you don't understand your wife. You also show that you don't honor her and that you do not respect her.

Fragility number four: you instantly realize that you do not value her as an equal. Number five: you will never gain respect that way. You come into my office, Pastor Mark's office, or one of the other pastors here, and you say, "My wife's not doing what she's supposed to do. I told her she needs to submit." I'm just going to smack you. That was dumb. Don't do that, because it just proves that you don't value her, you don't respect her fragility, you do not understand her, and you're not trying to. You're not honoring God.

If you don't seek to do these things, your failure to live as a husband who understands or seeks to honor your wife has spiritual consequences. Look at what he says at the end of verse 7: "Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to your wife as the weaker vessel, and being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered." Not doing this has spiritual consequences; your prayers will be hindered by not doing this.

Now, I make full confession: this is impossible in my flesh. Ladies, it's impossible for you to be submitted to your husband, to honor and respect him, without the grace of life in your heart. Men, it's impossible for you to understand and dwell with your wife in this way without the work of God in your life. But this is the call to Christians living in this world. Let me tell you, it is honorable to God, and it is a witness to a world that has no clue how to do this. It will blow their minds when they see us endeavor to do it. So, God, give us grace to do it. Amen.

Would you stand as we close in prayer and then dismiss? Father, thank you for the power and presence of your Spirit in our lives. I cannot accomplish any of this—submission to government, submission to employer, submission within marriage—without your presence by your Spirit in my life. It's impossible, Lord. Help us; we confess our weakness today. Help us to be lights in a dark world by the way that we live, honoring you. We ask this in Jesus' name. And now, may the grace of the Lord...

Jesus Christ, the love of God the Father, the fellowship of His Holy Spirit, and the empowering of His Spirit be with you all as you go from here this week. And everyone that agreed said, "Amen."