Matthew 18:21

Then Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven." (Matthew 18:21–22)

Why the hardest gift a Christian must give is forgiveness—and how the forgiveness we've received in Christ makes it possible.

The Hardest Gift to Give

During this season of giving, we have spent the last four weeks considering things that we as followers of Jesus are to give to others. We talked about giving thanks, giving mercy, giving comfort, and giving sacrificially as Jesus gave—of our time, our talents, and our treasure. As we sit a week out from Christmas, the celebration of the greatest gift ever given in the Lord Jesus Christ, we come to something we must give that turns out to be one of the most difficult things of all.

Some people find it hard to give of their time. Some find it incredibly hard to give of their money—it's been jokingly said that the last thing in a Christian that gets saved is their wallet, and there may be some truth to that. But for many people, giving mercy, thanks, even money is easy by comparison to giving forgiveness. In our discipleship, becoming more like Jesus, one of the hardest of His teachings to apply has to do with forgiveness.

I think it's accurate to say every single one of us struggles with forgiveness and the command in Scripture to forgive. And when I say that, there's at least one person here thinking, "No, pastor, I'm actually quite good at forgiving people." To you I say: I forgive you for your lack of humility this morning.

Peter's Question

One of Jesus' earliest and closest disciples also considered himself all right at forgiveness. In fact, it almost seems Peter was hoping for a commendation. He came to Jesus in Matthew 18:21 and asked, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?"

It's hard to see the desire for commendation in those words until you understand that the Jewish rabbis of Jesus' day had debated forgiveness extensively. The common rabbinic teaching was that you only had to forgive someone up to three times. So Peter is clearly thinking, "I've doubled that plus one—this is really good." He's anticipating a pat on the back.

Now, I'm certain none of you has ever been in a situation where you had to forgive someone over and over again. None of us—none of the guys. But the wives in here understand this completely. So we can follow what Peter is asking: someone wrongs you repeatedly; how often should I pardon them?

Extreme Forgiveness

Jesus answered, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven." Math geniuses, stop—yes, 490. The specific number is unimportant. Jesus is not telling us to keep a little journal with hashmarks, saying, "You're at 487, three more, buddy." He is presenting a principle we might call extreme forgiveness.

The call of God is a call unto Christlikeness. He has called us to become more like Jesus in the way we respond, think, act, and talk. And it is right to say you cannot be Christlike and not be forgiving. Which brings us to our first point: you are never more like Christ than when you forgive. That thought cannot be overemphasized. To be Christlike is to be forgiving.

The Problem of Justice

But there's a clear problem for us, because every one of us has a deep love and desire for justice. Christ is forgiving—and if you're a Christian, you've experienced that forgiveness—yet we have this deep, abiding desire for justice. This is one of the traits of humanity the atheistic evolutionist has a very hard time explaining. The origin of this desperate desire cannot be adequately explained by the atheist.

But the Christian understands it. From the opening words of Genesis we learn we were created in God's image, and He is perfectly just. So He has imparted to us a desire for justice. We long to see justice done. Even those who struggle with justice at its highest form—capital punishment—often accept it when a crime is heinous enough. This was illustrated just this last Thursday when a court in South Carolina found Dylann Roof guilty of 33 crimes for going into a church in June 2015 and shooting and killing people gathered to pray. Even the Obama administration's Department of Justice, through Attorney General Loretta Lynch, said it would seek the death penalty.

When there are heinous crimes—against children, or marked by hate and malice—even those uncomfortable with capital punishment say something needs to be done. We want justice. And we want it not only in high-profile cases like 9/11 or the Boston Marathon bombing, but at a personal level too. So we could rightly say: it is human to deeply desire justice, but it is divine to grant forgiveness.

The Parable: A Debt That Cannot Be Paid

To show what extreme forgiveness looks like, Jesus does what He often did—He tells a story. "The kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents."

We need to think about this debt. A talent was the largest unit of measure in Bible times—scholars generally agree about 75 pounds in weight. Ten thousand talents would be 750,000 pounds. If it were gold, at Friday's market price of just over $1,135 an ounce, that comes to about $12.4 billion. According to the Forbes 400, you'd have to be among the top 75 wealthiest people on the planet to pay it. Even if it were only silver, at $16.33 an ounce, it would be around $179 million. However you count it, that's a staggering sum. How does one even acquire such a debt? I don't know—but some of you may be approaching it by the end of this Christmas season, which is why we're having a finance seminar on the 14th. I'm serious.

"But as he was not able to pay"—a laughable understatement—"his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made." The master commands justice. In the first century, selling a debtor into slavery was a common form of justice. The payment wouldn't be sufficient, but it would be made.

Moved with Compassion

"The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, 'Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.'" Let's be clear: his pledge to repay $12 billion is about as likely as you or I swimming from San Diego to Japan. Highly unlikely.

"Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt." He didn't merely grant patience—he completely released him, forgiving the whole debt and letting it go. This brings our third point: there is no forgiveness apart from compassion. Those words "moved with compassion" are one word in the original Greek. It speaks of an emotional response deep in your bowels—the root is the same root from which we get our English word "spleen." This master was deeply affected by the begging cry of this man on the ground, and everything about the servant's plea moved him to release the entire debt.

The Unforgiving Servant

It would still be a great story if Jesus stopped there. But He has more to teach—not just about extreme forgiveness, but about our response to it. "But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii." A hundred denarii is a hundred days' wages—let's say roughly $20,000. That's not even the interest on $12 billion for a minute.

He laid hands on him, took him by the throat, and said, "Pay me what you owe!" His fellow servant fell down and begged, "Have patience with me, and I will pay you all." Sound familiar? You'd think it would trigger something in his brain. But he refused and threw the man into prison.

When the other servants saw it, they were grieved and told their master everything. The master called him and said, "You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?" And the master was angry and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due.

Then comes Jesus' application: "So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses." Like Peter, we'd probably prefer Jesus had skipped that last verse.

The Gospel Is Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a supremely important topic. Can you imagine the gospel without forgiveness? Is there even a gospel without it? Core to the good news is that God in Christ Jesus has dealt with the debt of our unrighteousness and sin and has pardoned us. The master in Jesus' story is clearly God—we're told so in the last verse—and the debtor with the impossible debt is you and me.

If you have put your trust in Jesus, God clears the account; it is paid in full. Jesus' final words on the cross—"It is finished"—are an accounting term meaning "paid in full." He takes the debt and pays it Himself. So according to Jesus, point four: forgiven sinners should forgive sinners. This isn't a suggestion; it's a command, and one that, if disobeyed, apparently has significant consequence.

"Pastor, You Don't Understand"

Nearly every time I teach on forgiveness, someone will come to me afterward or send an email, because we genuinely struggle to apply it—especially in light of verse 35. The conversation often goes, "Pastor, you don't understand. I have been severely wronged. You cannot comprehend the depth of hurt I've experienced."

Let me be clear: I don't want to minimize that some of you struggle with forgiveness for good reason, because we have, as those made in God's image, a deep sense of justice, and some here have been significantly harmed. So a sincere question grows out of Jesus' teaching: how can I learn to forgive in this manner? How can I be extreme in my forgiveness?

Paul gives help in Ephesians 4:31: "Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice." These are exactly the things that well up in us when we've been deeply hurt. Bitterness and anger over what was done. Evil speaking—wanting to share our story, often to gain sympathy, which we readily get. And malice—the desire to inflict harm, to bring vengeance. In their place Paul says, "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." Colossians 3:12–13 echoes it: "Bearing with one another, and forgiving one another... even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do."

First, Experience Extreme Forgiveness

How can we learn to be extreme in our forgiveness? First, you must experience extreme forgiveness. I don't think you can forgive the way Jesus prescribes unless you yourself have tasted the extreme forgiveness of Jesus. Point five: the forgiveness of Christ enables the Christian to forgive.

"But this person did something so terrible; they should be punished." I'll grant that there needs to be justice. And here's the amazing thing: Scripture reveals in Romans and elsewhere that God has instituted systems of justice in society to deal with these things. If it was illegal, those systems should deal with it. "But the systems of justice didn't do anything." I'll grant that the systems of justice in a broken, unjust world sometimes fail—they are imperfect. But hold on to this truth: God is the ultimate bringer of justice, and He will be just. He alone is justified in His justice. I am never justified to take justice into my own hands. He has said, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay."

So there is a real tension between our desire for justice and Christ's command to forgive, and we must turn that desire over to the Lord. "But what if I just can't forgive?" That which is impossible with man is possible with God, and we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us (Philippians 4:13)—even forgive.

Four Practical Truths About Forgiveness

First, a good working definition. John MacArthur says: forgiveness is a promise to never take revenge. It is a verbally declared promise, a statement of love that affirms, "I hold no anger, no hatred, no bitterness against you." And it has a threefold perspective: I won't ever bring it up to you, I won't ever bring it up to another person, and I won't ever bring it up to myself. To forgive in this manner requires God's help and grace; it is not something we can manufacture on our own.

Second, what if the person isn't repenting—doesn't even acknowledge guilt? Do I still have to forgive? Jesus says in Matthew 5:44, "Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use and persecute you." Paul echoes it in Romans 12: "Bless those who persecute you... Repay no one evil for evil... do not avenge yourselves... If your enemy is hungry, feed him... Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." And on the cross, as His crucifiers mocked Him, divided His clothes, and spat upon Him—people who were not asking for forgiveness—Jesus prayed, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."

Third, and this is important: forgiveness does not equal trust. It does not immediately mean the restoration of relationship, especially when a person is unwilling to acknowledge guilt. Yes, you are to release them and to hold no anger or bitterness against them. But that does not mean you unwisely put yourself back in a position where you might be harmed again. There is wisdom in this.

The Hardest Part: The Repeated Offense

Fourth, I've found this true in my life and observably in others: sometimes it's not the single great injustice that's hardest to forgive. I've met people who have endured incredible devastation from someone and been able to release them. It's not always the single great injury. It is the over-and-over-again irritations and annoyances—of a harsh husband, a nagging wife, a selfish child, an obnoxious coworker, an in-law. And Christmas is coming next Sunday. Often it's not the big thing; it's the multiple little things. "We're at the 49th time this week. How many times do we have to go through this?"

Jesus has a great answer in Luke 17:3–4: "If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, 'I repent,' you shall forgive him." And I love the disciples' response, because it's ours too: "Lord, increase our faith." Looking at a topic like this, we surely need God's help too.

Closing Prayer

Father, I thank You for Your forgiving grace. Lord, I confess it is very hard for me to forgive those over-and-over-again irritations. It is very hard to release people, to let go of the anger that feels so right and so justified—especially when we share it with someone who sympathizes. God, would You help us let those things go?

I thank You that You have forgiven us our sins and don't bring them up again. The debt is paid in full. You don't constantly remind us of our past, because You have removed our sins as far as the east is from the west and cast them into the sea of forgetfulness. Lord, some of us standing here need to take things done to us and said to us and drop them into that sea of forgetfulness with a weight around them. Help us to do that, honoring and glorifying You, that it may be a witness of Your grace at work in us when we forgive in a world filled with billions desiring justice.

And if you have never received the forgiving grace of God to deal with your sin and pay your debt, and you would like to receive that free gift this morning—what a gift to receive seven days before Christmas—would you lift your hand? God bless you. Pray with me: Dear Jesus, I recognize I have a debt I cannot pay. I thank You that You paid it for me, and I pray that You would forgive me of my sin, help me turn from my sin, and follow You by faith. Save me. I pray in Jesus' name, amen.