We Give Forgiveness

Then Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven." (Matthew 18:21–22)

During a season of giving, we consider the hardest gift of all to give—forgiveness—and how the forgiven are called to forgive.

The Hardest Thing to Give

During this season of giving, over the last several weeks we have considered together some things that we as followers of Jesus are to be giving to others. We've talked about giving thanks, giving mercy, giving comfort, and last week giving sacrificially as Jesus gave—of our time, our talents, and our treasure. Now, just a week out from Christmas, the celebration of the greatest gift ever given to us in the Lord Jesus Christ, we come to something that often turns out to be the most difficult thing for us to give.

Some people find it difficult to give of their time. Some find it incredibly hard to give of their money—it's been jokingly said that the last thing in a Christian that gets saved is their wallet, and there may be some truth to that. But for many people, giving mercy, giving thanks, even giving money is easy by comparison to giving forgiveness. In our discipleship, our transformation into the likeness of Jesus, one of the hardest of Christ's teachings to apply has to do with forgiveness.

I think it would be accurate to say that every single one of us struggles with forgiveness, with the call and command of Scripture to forgive. Now, when I say every single one of us, there's at least one person here who is thinking, "No, Pastor, I'm actually quite good at forgiving." To you I say: I forgive you for your lack of humility this morning.

Peter's Question and the Rabbis' Math

One of Jesus's earliest and closest disciples also considered himself all right at this issue of forgiveness. In fact, it almost seems Peter was hoping for a commendation from Jesus. In Matthew 18:21 he comes and asks, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?"

It's hard to see the desire for commendation in those words until you understand the background. The Jewish rabbis of Jesus's day had discussed and debated forgiveness quite a bit, and the common teaching was that you only had to forgive someone up to three times. So Peter is clearly assuming, "Listen, I've doubled that, plus one—this is really good." He anticipates a commendation.

And before we go further, I'm certain none of you have ever had to forgive someone over and over again. None of the husbands—but the wives in here understand this completely. Someone does something to you again and again. How often should I pardon them?

Jesus answers in verse 22: "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven." Now, math geniuses, yes, that's 490. But the specific number is unimportant. It's not as if you keep a little journal—"487, you've got three more, buddy." Jesus is presenting a principle we might call extreme forgiveness.

You Are Never More Like Christ Than When You Forgive

The call of God is a call unto Christ-likeness. He has called us followers of Jesus to become more like Jesus in the way we respond to people, the way we think, act, and talk. It is true to say that you cannot be Christ-like and not be forgiving. So here is the first point: you are never more like Christ than when you forgive. That point cannot be overemphasized.

But there's a clear problem for us, because every single one of us has a deep love for and desire for justice. Christ is forgiving; you've experienced that forgiveness; He's called us to be like Him. Yet we have this deep, abiding desire for justice.

This is one trait of humanity that evolutionists have a very difficult time explaining away—especially the atheistic evolutionist who does not believe in God. The origin of this desperate desire for justice cannot be adequately explained by the atheist. But the Christian understands. In the opening words of Genesis we find that we were created in God's image, and He is perfectly just. He has imparted to us a desire for justice because we are made like Him.

It Is Human to Desire Justice; Divine to Grant Forgiveness

Even people who struggle with justice at its highest form—capital punishment—often accept it when a crime seems so heinous that something must be done. This was illustrated just this last Thursday when a court in South Carolina found Dylann Roof guilty of 33 crimes for entering a church in June of 2015 and killing a group of people gathered to pray. Even the Obama administration, through Attorney General Loretta Lynch, announced in May that the federal government would seek the death penalty.

When there are heinous crimes—against children, or filled with hate and malice—there is a sense in which we say something must be done. Whether the killings at the South Carolina church or the Boston Marathon bombing, even those in government who struggle with capital punishment say there needs to be a form of justice. We want justice. And we want it not only in high-profile cases but on a personal level.

So the second point: it is human to deeply desire justice. But the counterpoint is this: it is divine to grant forgiveness.

The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant

To show us what extreme forgiveness looks like, Jesus tells a parable. "The kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents."

We need to pause on this debt. A talent was the largest unit of measure in Bible times—about 75 pounds in weight. Ten thousand talents would be 750,000 pounds. Just for the sake of study, if it were gold, at last Friday's market price of just over $1,135 an ounce, that totals over $12 billion. Forbes 400 would tell you that you'd have to be among the top 75 wealthiest people on the planet to pay this debt. Even if it were silver, at $16.33 an ounce, it would still be about $179 million. Whatever the case, that's an enormous amount of money.

"But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made." His master commands justice. In the first century, selling a debtor into slavery was a common form of justice. The payment wouldn't be sufficient—it's not enough—but that's what would be done.

"The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, 'Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.'" Let's be clear: the debtor's pledge to repay this debt in full is about as likely as you or I swimming from San Diego to Japan. Highly unlikely, even if his master were eternally patient.

Moved With Compassion

"Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt." He didn't merely respond to the request—he was moved with compassion and completely released him, forgiving it entirely.

This brings us to the third point: there is no forgiveness apart from compassion. "Moved with compassion" is one word in the original Greek. It speaks of an emotional response deep in your bowels—in fact, the root is the same from which we get our English word spleen. This master was deeply affected by the begging cry of this man laying on the ground, and that plea for mercy moved him to release the entire debt.

It would still be a great story illustrating extreme forgiveness if Jesus stopped there. But He has more to teach us—not just about extreme forgiveness, but about our response to it.

The Servant Who Would Not Forgive

"But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii"—a hundred days' wages, perhaps $20,000 against $12 billion. He laid hands on him, took him by the throat, and said, "Pay me what you owe!"

His fellow servant fell down and begged, "Have patience with me, and I will pay you all"—the very words he himself had spoken. You'd think that would trigger something. But he would not; he threw him into prison until he should pay the debt.

When the other servants saw it, they were grieved and told their master. Then the master called him: "You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?" And the master, angry, delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due.

Then comes Jesus's application: "So My heavenly Father also will do to each of you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses." We, like Peter, would probably have preferred Jesus skip that last verse.

No Gospel Without Forgiveness

Can you imagine the gospel without forgiveness? Is there even a gospel without it? Core to the good news is that God in Christ Jesus has dealt with the debt of our unrighteousness and sin and has pardoned us. You cannot have the gospel without forgiveness.

The master in the story is clearly God, as the last verse tells us, and the debtor who owes the great debt is you and me, with our incredible debt of sin. If today you have put your trust in Jesus, then as you trust Him, God clears the account—it is paid in full. The final words of Christ on the cross, "It is finished," is an accounting term: paid in full. He takes the debt and pays it.

So the fourth point, according to Jesus: forgiven sinners should forgive sinners. This isn't a suggestion; it's a command that, if not obeyed, apparently carries significant consequence.

"But You Don't Understand How I've Been Hurt"

Nearly every time I teach on forgiveness, someone comes to talk with me or sends an email, because there is real difficulty applying what Jesus says here. The conversation often goes: "Pastor, you don't understand. I have been severely wronged. You cannot comprehend the depth of hurt I've experienced."

Let me be clear—I don't want to minimize that. Some in this room struggle with forgiveness for good reason, because we have, as those made in God's image, a deep sense of justice, and some of you have been significantly harmed. So a sincere question grows out of Jesus's teaching: how can I learn to forgive in this manner? How can I possibly be extreme in my forgiveness?

Consider Ephesians 4:31: "Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice." These are exactly the things that well up in us when we've been devastated by another's evil actions. We have bitterness and anger because of what's been done to us. We engage in evil speaking, sharing our story to get sympathy—and you will often get it. And there's malice: the desire to inflict harm, to bring vengeance.

Paul continues: "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." Colossians 3:12–13 echoes this: "Put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, and longsuffering, bearing with one another and forgiving one another... even as Christ forgave you; so you also must do."

The Forgiveness of Christ Enables Us to Forgive

How can we learn to be extreme in our forgiveness? First, you need to experience extreme forgiveness. You cannot be forgiving the way Jesus prescribes unless you yourself have tasted the extreme forgiveness of Jesus. So the fifth point: the forgiveness of Christ enables the Christian to forgive.

"But this person did something so terrible to me—they should be punished." I'll grant that there should be justice. The Scriptures, in Romans and elsewhere, reveal that God has instituted systems of justice in society. If it was illegal, the systems of justice should deal with it. "But the systems of justice didn't do anything." I grant that in a broken, unjust world they sometimes fail and are imperfect.

But hold on to this truth: God is the ultimate bringer of justice, and He alone is justified in His justice. I am never justified to take justice into my own hands. God has said, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay." When imperfect systems do not bring forth justice, we can know for certain that God will. There is real tension between our desire for justice and Christ's command to forgive, so we as Christians must turn over to the Lord our desire for justice.

"But I just can't forgive this person." The Scriptures say that which is impossible with man is possible with God, and that you and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens us (Philippians 4:13)—even forgive.

Four Things About Forgiveness

First, it helps to have a good working definition. I like the one given by Bible teacher John MacArthur: forgiveness is a promise never to take revenge. It is a verbally declared promise, a statement of love that affirms, "I hold no anger, no hatred, no bitterness against you." And it has a threefold perspective: I won't bring it up to you, I won't bring it up to another person, and I won't bring it up to myself. To forgive in this manner requires God's gracious help by His Spirit.

Second, what if the person is not repenting, like the servant in the story—what if they don't even acknowledge their guilt? Jesus said, "Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, and do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use and persecute you" (Matthew 5:44). Paul echoes this in Romans 12: "Bless those who persecute you... Do not avenge yourselves... if your enemy is hungry, feed him... Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." And finally, Jesus on the cross, as His crucifiers mocked him, prayed, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." They weren't asking for forgiveness.

Third—and this is important—forgiveness does not equal trust. Forgiveness does not immediately mean the restoration of relationship, especially when a person is unwilling to acknowledge guilt. Yes, you are to release them and hold no anger or bitterness, but that does not mean you unwisely put yourself in a position where you might be harmed again. There is wisdom in this. It is not, "I'm just going to release them, and it's okay that this person beats me."

Fourth, I find this true in my own life: sometimes it is not the single great injustice that's hardest to forgive. I've met people who endured incredible crisis and devastation from another person and were able to release and forgive them. Often it's the over-and-over-again irritations and annoyances—a harsh husband, a nagging wife, a selfish child, an obnoxious coworker, an in-law. And you're looking forward to next Sunday; Christmas is coming. It's the thirtieth time this week: "How many times do we have to go through this?"

Jesus has a great answer in Luke 17:3–4: "If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, 'I repent,' you shall forgive him." And I love the disciples' response in verse 5: "Lord, increase our faith!" That's the response of us all—God, I need help. Considering a topic like this, we probably need God's help too.

Closing Prayer

Father, I thank You for Your forgiving grace, and Lord, I confess that it is very hard for me to forgive those over-and-over-again irritations. It is very hard to release people, to let go of the anger that feels so right and so justified, especially when we share that anger with someone who sympathizes. God, would You help us to let those things go.

I thank You that You have forgiven us our sins and You don't bring it back up again—the debt is paid in full, and You don't constantly remind us of our past, because You have removed our sins as far as the east is from the west, casting them into the sea of forgetfulness. Lord, there may be some standing here today who need to take things that have been done to us, said to us, and drop them into that sea of forgetfulness. Help us to do that, honoring and glorifying You. We live in a world filled with billions of people desiring justice; to forgive is from You, not of this world. So may it be a witness of Your grace at work in us when we forgive.

And if you have never received the forgiving grace of God to deal with your sin and pay your debt—what a great gift to receive seven days before Christmas—pray with me: Dear Jesus, I recognize I have a debt I cannot pay. I thank You that You paid it for me, and I pray that You would forgive me of my sin and help me to turn from it to follow You by faith. Save me, I pray, in Jesus' name. Amen.