Unchained 3 – Motivating Forgiveness

Paul, a prisoner of Christ Jesus, and Timothy our brother, to Philemon our beloved friend and fellow laborer... I appeal to you for my son Onesimus, whom I have begotten while in my chains, who once was unprofitable to you, but now is profitable both to you and to me. I am sending him back... no longer as a slave but more than a slave—a brother... if then you count me as a partner, receive him as you would me. But if he has wronged you or owes you anything, put that on my account. I, Paul, am writing with my own hand. I will repay—not to mention that you owe me even your own self besides... The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit.

How the forgiving grace we have received should compel us to forgive even those who have deeply wronged us.

A Story of Forgiveness Squandered

Word spread quickly about how he had pardoned such a massive debt. The number grew with every telling, and his reputation was forever changed. For years he had been known as hard, cold, even callous. Now people looked him in the eye and smiled. The change was bad for business, but it was nice—he had gotten used to things being a little different.

Then new news overshadowed it. The very man he had pardoned was now the talk of the town, and the creditor stood before him again. "Is it true what I hear? After I forgave you a debt you could never pay—is it true what you did?"

"Sir, let me explain. I could never repay the grace you showed me. But I have nothing—"

"Stop. You owed me 7.4 million dollars, and he owed you what—a few thousand? Thirty-five hundred, to be exact. I forgave you 7.4 million. I let you go a free man, and you threw this man into prison over so little? You're wicked. That's the only way to describe it. You don't grasp what I've done for you. I had compassion on you, I showed you pity, and you have shown this man no mercy. You will also be taken and thrown into prison."

The Background of Philemon

It was the early 60s AD. The Apostle Paul was in Rome, a prisoner of the Empire, facing trial on trumped-up charges of sedition. Because of his Roman citizenship, he had appealed to the highest court of the land and awaited the day he would stand before Caesar Nero.

While he was there, a runaway slave named Onesimus came to him. Onesimus had stolen from his master, Philemon, and fled roughly a thousand miles west to Rome. In God's sovereign direction, he ended up before Paul, who preached the gospel to him. Onesimus became a Christian. Now Paul was telling him, "You need to go back to your master and repent. Philemon is a good man—I'm certain he will receive you, even though he has the authority to throw you into prison or even have you put to death. I don't think he'll do that."

Philemon had come to faith under Paul's ministry some eight or nine years earlier. A wealthy businessman from Colossae, his life was completely transformed. He served Jesus with all he had, gave to those in need, and the church met in his home. So Paul said, "I'll send you back with a letter."

Paul's Appeal to Love

Paul tells Philemon, in effect: "I know you are a faithful follower of Jesus and a good man. You love your wife Apphia, you've raised a good son in Archippus, and you minister to the people of God. Even a thousand miles away, I hear reports from those who've stayed in your home and been blessed by your hospitality."

"I understand Onesimus has wronged you. He stole from you and ran away, and absorbing that cost has been a great burden. I get it. But he has become a follower of Jesus. It may be that he ran away for the very purpose of putting his faith in Christ. Can you imagine? Here I am a prisoner in Rome, and your runaway slave in a city of 800,000 people just happens to cross my path. How does that even happen? God does that. So I'm sending him back, and I want you to receive him no longer as a criminal, but as a brother in the faith."

Why should Philemon receive him? Shouldn't there be justice, punishment, restitution? Paul answers in verse 17: "If then you count me as a partner, receive him as you would me." Circle that word if. If you count me as your brother in Christ, then receive Onesimus as you would receive me.

Forgiveness Is the Christian's Personal Responsibility

Forgiveness is the personal responsibility of every Christian to receive and pardon one who has wronged him. Every one of us has been wronged by somebody, and every one of us has wronged somebody else. It is in our fallen nature. I can almost guarantee that I will offend you—if I haven't yet, you haven't been here long enough.

But it is your responsibility to forgive, and it is something you must choose to do personally. No friend, brother, or sister can offer forgiveness on your behalf. Jesus can't even do it for you. That word receive is pregnant with meaning—it means to receive without any strings attached, and that receiving is forgiveness.

One Bible teacher gives a simple definition: think of forgiveness as a promise never to take revenge. It is a verbally declared promise, a statement of love that affirms: I hold no anger, no hatred, no bitterness against you. It is threefold—I won't ever bring it up to you again, I won't bring it up to anyone else, and I won't bring it up to myself. I am completely releasing you. As John MacArthur said, "You are never more like God than when you forgive."

The Tension Between Love and Justice

Why is forgiveness so difficult? Because of the tension we experience between love and justice. By justice, I mean vindication—I want that person to acknowledge it, pay it back, and make clear they're sorry.

Evolutionary science has a hard time accounting for these two traits—love and justice. If we are merely a biological sequencing of mutations over billions of years, where did love and justice come from? Science can't answer that. The Christian can: we were created in the image of God, who is love and who is just, and He has imparted both to us.

Love and justice are linked. When someone wrongs you, because you love yourself, you want justice. When someone wrongs someone you love, you want justice. Vindication is easy when you have no relationship with the offender. You love justice—I can prove it. Driving the speed limit, when someone flies past and cuts you off, your first thought is, "Where's the CHP?" But when you're the one driving too fast and someone honks, your first thought is, "I hope that's not a cop." We want justice for others and mercy for ourselves, because we always love ourselves first.

Paul masterfully brings Philemon back to love. "If you count me as a companion, if you love me, then love Onesimus, because he is now your brother in Christ." Yes, Philemon had every legal right to enact justice—everyone would have said so. But Paul throws love into the equation. "Receive and pardon him just as you would receive and pardon me."

Christ in Us Amplifies the Tension

More than any person, the Christian struggles with the tension between love and justice, because Christ in us both commands and compels us to love. The Bible describes God as love by His very nature. When you become a follower of Jesus, the Spirit of Christ dwells in you—we are the temple of the Holy Spirit, and "Christ in you, the hope of glory."

Jesus gives the new commandment: love one another as I have loved you. "Love your neighbor as yourself" is in the Old Testament, but the newness is that we are to love each other the way Christ loved us. That's bigger. So because Christ dwells in us, commanding and compelling us to love, we feel this tension more than anyone. If we could just escape that commandment, vindication would be easy and plenty of people would justify it.

In Christ, Justice Yields to Love

In Christ, justice yields to love. First Corinthians 13 tells us love keeps no record of wrongs. It doesn't keep an accounting of every offense. Forgiveness—releasing someone, letting it go, refusing to hold anger, bitterness, malice, and wrath—is costly.

Look at verse 18: "But if he has wronged you or owes you anything, put that on my account." There's that word if again. Philemon had absorbed real cost—Onesimus's theft, his absence, his flight. Paul says, "Take what he owes you in that accounting sheet we all carry mentally, and move it from Onesimus's column to mine. Control-X, control-V. Cut and paste."

Then, at the start of verse 19, Paul says, "I, Paul, am writing with my own hand. I will repay." Most of Paul's letters were dictated—it's plausible Timothy was his secretary here—but now Paul takes the quill himself. "I owe you. I will repay it. I claim his debt as my own."

I don't know what debt is owed to you—emotionally, physically, spiritually—but you do. It's there in your accounting, and every time you see that person or hear their name, it surfaces instantly. Paul says, "Move it over to mine."

Jesus Bore the Just Punishment for Our Sin

On account of love, Jesus bore the just punishment for our sin. That is why justice yields to love in Christ. He took the debt you and I could never pay, bore it upon Himself, and on the cross said tetelestai—an accounting term meaning "it is finished," "paid in full." That is what it means to be a forgiven sinner. Jesus took all my failings—everything I ever did, said, or thought against God and against others—and absorbed it into Himself.

The entire Christian faith is built on this idea of substitutionary payment, what theologians call vicarious atonement. Romans 5:8: "But God demonstrates His love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." This is love over justice. In His justice God had every reason to obliterate every one of us, yet He exalts His love and mercy over His judgment. Second Corinthians 5:21: "He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us." First Peter: Jesus suffered once for sins, the just for the unjust.

So Paul says, "Onesimus owes you a great debt. I claim it as my own. Move it to my account."

You Owe Me Even Your Own Self

Then the masterful turn at the end of verse 19: "Not to mention that you owe me even your own self besides." Onesimus owes you; now I owe you—but don't forget, you owe me far more.

Our forgiven debt should compel our forgiveness of debtors. It was Paul who shared the gospel with Philemon and led him to become a forgiven sinner. So Paul says, "Here's a way to pay your debt to me—by forgiving Onesimus. Just move it over to my account and let it be gone."

Every one of us has debtors. They may not owe you money, but they owe you respect, an apology, some form of restitution. If you have received the forgiving grace of God, that should stir and compel you to forgive. Jesus taught this in the Sermon on the Mount: "Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors." And immediately after the prayer, in Matthew 6:14–15, "If you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."

The Unforgiving Servant

In Matthew 18, Peter asked Jesus, "How many times should I forgive my brother—up to seven?" The religious teachers said three was enough, so Peter thought seven was generous. Jesus said, "Up to seventy times seven"—490, but really there's no accounting of it; you just keep forgiving.

Then Jesus told the story of a king who forgave a man an enormous debt, but that same man seized someone who owed him a small debt and threw him into prison. When the master heard, he was angry and delivered the man to the torturers until he should pay all. Jesus concludes in verse 35: "So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses."

When we comprehend the forgiving grace of God toward us, it compels us to love more.

He Who Is Forgiven Much Loves Much

In Luke 7, Jesus is invited to dinner at the house of Simon the Pharisee. A woman of the city, a sinner, comes weeping, washing His feet with her tears, wiping them with her hair, and anointing them with fragrant oil. Simon thinks, "If this man were a prophet, He would know what kind of woman this is." Jesus answers with a parable: a creditor forgave two debtors, one who owed five hundred denarii and one who owed fifty. "Which will love him more?" Simon answers, "The one he forgave more." Jesus explains that he who is forgiven much loves much.

When you grasp how much Christ has cleared from your account, it compels love. And when we are compelled by love, we are no longer compelled by vindication. We can rightly say, "Vengeance is God's; He will deal with it. I will no longer hold bitterness, anger, or malice. I won't bring it up to you, to others, or to myself."

The most awesome thing about God is that when He forgives us, He wipes it away—He removes our sin as far as the east is from the west and doesn't bring it back up. So when you fail tomorrow, doing the same thing you've done a million times, and come before Him saying, "Father, I'm sorry, I keep doing this," He says, "I don't even know what you're talking about, because I've cleared it away." That is forgiving grace.

Walk Humbly, Love Mercy

Micah 6:8 says, "He has shown you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you but to do justly"—not "love justice," but do justly, do what is right as much as it depends on you—"to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God." Walking humbly means recognizing the debt Jesus has paid on your behalf.

When we grasp the greatness of that debt, it produces greater love for Him and greater love for others, and that love compels us to compassion and mercy even toward those who have wronged us. Receiving the forgiving grace of God unchains us from the bondage of sin and death. But extending forgiving grace to others unchains us from the bitterness that builds up and destroys us. There are many people whose bitterness is killing only the one who holds it. So my encouragement is not only to receive the forgiving grace of God, but to freely extend it to others, that you would be unchained from the burden of bitterness, anger, wrath, and malice.

Closing Prayer

Father, I pray that our lives would be like the life of Philemon, who refreshed the hearts of other people, who brought joy and comfort and consolation to others as we walk as You walk, forgive as You have forgiven, and extend grace as You have graced us. Lord, may our lives be refreshing to people, because we live in a world that wants vindication and justice, with very little forgiveness, grace, and love. God, I pray that we who have Your love and grace in us would be those who extend it to others. Help us to be forgiving; help us to be gracious. We ask this in Jesus' name, and all those who agree said, Amen.