1 Corinthians 7:1

Now concerning the things whereof you wrote unto me, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband... Defraud ye not one another, except it be with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to prayer, and come together again that Satan tempt you not... But I speak this by permission and not of commandment, for I would that all men were even as I myself, but every man has his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and one after another.

When the world is confused about marriage, Paul calls us back to the Creator who designed it.

Paul Shifts to Their Questions

In the first six chapters of 1 Corinthians, Paul confronted issues of carnality within the church. As we come to chapter 7, he shifts focus and begins to address specific questions they had asked him in a letter. Chapter 7 deals with marriage; chapters 8–10 with Christian liberty; chapter 11 with church conduct; chapters 12–14 with spiritual gifts; chapter 15 with the resurrection; and chapter 16 with giving.

It is no wonder Paul first addresses marriage and intimacy, since in chapters 5 and 6 he was dealing with sexual immorality. In chapter 5 there was a man living in an immoral relationship with his stepmother—something not even named among the Gentiles. In chapter 6, the Corinthians had taken Paul's teaching about liberty and turned it into license. They reasoned, "All things are lawful," and applied it to anything. But Paul declared emphatically in verse 18, "Flee sexual immorality."

Why God Gives Us Desires

Last week we saw that God gave man appetites—the stomach and food for it, and a desire to eat. The Greeks reasoned that since God gave us a body and the ability to engage in sexual relations, that must be what we were created for. But Paul says that although we have the appetite and the instruments, that is not why we were created. We were created first and foremost to glorify God, to bring Him pleasure.

Since our purpose is to glorify God with body and spirit, we are doubly His—His because He created us, and His because as Christians He has redeemed us. So why did God create us with such desires? Does He intend us to deny them? Certainly not. As we come to chapter 7, the satisfaction of those appetites for physical intimacy is granted in the ultimate intimate union of marriage. This follows directly from his teaching in chapter 6 about fleeing immorality.

God Is the Author of Marriage

The biblical establishment of marriage is very clear: God ordained and created it. Genesis 2:18 tells us God saw it was not good that man should be alone, so He fashioned woman and brought her to the man.

Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)

That is God's founding of marriage. In a day and age in which we are trying to redefine what marriage is, we should consider what the Creator of marriage has to say. He made them male and female, and a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. Any other definition that changes that is not marriage. It is something else, but it is not marriage.

The Confusion of Corinth

When Paul entered the Gentile world of pagan Greco-Roman values, he must have been taken aback. Corinth had a very confused understanding of marriage. There were at least four types of marriage among the Romans. One, reserved for the noble and elite, resembled our traditional marriage with vows and even the exchanging of rings. Yet even then, every Roman man was expected to have a wife for procreation and a mistress for recreation.

There was also slave marriage, since over 60% of the empire's population were slaves; a master could permit two servants to live together, but he still controlled them and could sell or separate them. For most people the typical route was what we would call common-law marriage—if a man and woman began cohabiting, after a year society viewed them as married. And there was arranged marriage, where a father would essentially sell his daughter to the highest bidder. In general, women were regarded as property with far fewer rights than men. The Bible does not endorse this, but it reports that this is how things were.

Add to this a real problem of divorce. William Barclay noted a historical document describing a woman marrying for the 27th time to a man for whom she would be his 26th wife. People counted their lives not by years but by marriages. If we think we have a liberal culture, consider that 27th husband.

Two Errors About the Body

The Greeks and Romans viewed man as a dichotomy—body and soul, completely separate. One camp said you could do anything with the body without affecting the soul, so "live it up, enjoy life, deny no appetite." A smaller camp said the soul is divine and the body is evil, so they denied the body entirely—asceticism.

One of the first heresies to enter the church, predominantly in the second century, was Gnosticism. Even when Paul wrote, we see its roots in those who said the body is evil and all things physical should be denied. Some at Corinth were saying the most godly thing is to be single—that if you are married you should separate and remain single to honor God. Paul has to address this. The Corinthians were absolutely confused about marriage. Does that sound familiar? We must not forget that God established the home and marriage before He established the church.

Celibacy Is Good

In verse 1 Paul speaks of the goodness of celibacy: "It is good for a man not to touch a woman." This is not to be taken literally—as if men shouldn't sit too close to women or give a sister a hug. "It is good for a man not to touch a woman" was a Jewish euphemism that meant marriage, speaking of physical union within marriage. The NIV rightly translates it, "It is good for a man not to marry."

Is Paul endorsing that we ought not get married? No. He is simply saying it is acceptable for someone to remain celibate. The Jewish view held that something was wrong with an unmarried man. Talmudic tradition held that a 25-year-old man who was unmarried was accursed. The rabbis listed seven kinds of people who could not enter heaven; first was a man with no wife, second a woman with no children—based on Genesis 1:28, "Be fruitful and multiply." Some Greeks in the church said singleness was more spiritual; the Jews said it was wicked. Paul establishes that it is not bad and not better—it is acceptable, even honorable.

Celibacy Is Tempting

Verse 2: "Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband." Notice the equality of the scriptures: "let every man have his own wife, let every woman have her own husband." There is an equality that comes with the gospel found in no other society.

The problem is that our society stretched that equality to a place God never intended. In the 1820s the free-love and women's liberation movements declared marriage to be bondage established for men by men, and sought to unhinge sex and love from marriage and religion. But God's word establishes that men and women are equal. God did not take Eve from Adam's feet, that he would lord over her, nor from his head; He took from his side to create a bride, and they are equal in God's eyes. This is revolutionary for sinful, fallen man.

If celibacy is going to cause an individual to sin sexually, then they should marry. As Paul will say later, it is better to marry than to burn.

Am I Called to Be Married?

Most people are called to marriage. If you desire to be married and find abstinence and celibacy difficult—struggling with lust in that area—you are probably called to marry. The next question becomes: how do I know whom God is calling me to marry? We have a misconception that there is one special person created just for me whom I must divine. I have met many Bible college students—"Calvary Chapel Bible College, ring by spring or your money back"—living in great anxiety over "Is this the person?"

Some principles: You should not seek a spouse until you are old enough and able to get married—able to support a spouse. There is no special age; it is subjective. And in my opinion, if you are not old enough to get married, you are not old enough to date. This is contrary to our culture, but our culture is upside down. The reason is simple—you place yourself in unnecessary temptation. Imagine how different our society would be: we would not have the teenage pregnancies and abortions we have today. There are simple blessings in obedience to the principles of Scripture.

It is also my opinion that if you are not interested in marriage, you should not date. It is not smart—you will fall into temptation—and it is not sincere, because the other person is likely considering marriage, and it is selfish to play with their heart. Ladies, if you are dating a guy who is not interested in getting married, he is messing with you—plain and simple.

Equally Yoked at Every Level

You should marry someone equally yoked to you. Second Corinthians 6:14 says, "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers." Though its context is not specifically marriage, marriage certainly falls under it. Being equally yoked means more than marrying a believer—it means marrying a strong believer who shares your vision and passion.

Attraction, connection, and compatibility should come at all three levels of our being—body, soul, and spirit. Physical attraction normally starts first, and that is not necessarily bad; God created it. But it cannot stop there, because physical things change. There must be a connection at the soul level—similar likes and dislikes, a similar philosophy about life, family, and raising children. If you want ministry or the mission field and the other person wants nothing to do with it, that is a red flag. "Danger, Will Robinson." Because of physical attraction and emotional bonds, we are sometimes not objective and need outside help.

And there must be spiritual connection. You don't marry an unbeliever, and you shouldn't just marry any believer—one of the biggest hindrances to unity in marriage is different faith backgrounds, sometimes even denominational. Marry someone with a similar passion and desire for God. We cannot be wooden and unemotional, because God attached emotion to marriage, but we should not shelve these objective issues either.

The Reasons God Gives Marriage

While Paul gives one reason here—fleeing immorality—Scripture gives many. First, procreation: "Be fruitful and multiply" (Genesis 1:28), and Malachi 2 says one purpose of marriage is godly offspring. Second, pleasure: God intended sexual pleasure to be experienced in marriage and nowhere else. Third, provision: God wants man to provide what a woman needs and woman to make up what is lacking in a man. Fourth, partnership: a yoke binds two animals to work as one team. Fifth, the picture—marriage portrays the oneness God desires with man. Sixth, purity, as here in verse 2—God has given a route within marriage to abstain from immorality.

Celibacy Is Wrong for Married People

Verses 3–5: "Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence, and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife has not power of her own body, but the husband; and likewise the husband has not power of his own body, but the wife."

Again we see equality. When the women's liberation crowd hears "the wife has not power over her own body," their heads almost explode—but they fail to read the rest: "so likewise the husband has not power over his own body, but the wife." Paul's implication is that husband and wife yield themselves physically and emotionally to one another. Celibacy is for singles; intimacy is for marriage. The devil works to get singles to have sex outside marriage and married people to withhold it within marriage—and he is good at it.

"Due benevolence" means due love, and it implies more than the physical. Women are tempted to withhold physically from their husbands, but men are tempted to withhold emotionally from their wives. Men's needs are more met physically, women's more emotionally. Each must recognize what is harder for them to give, and it is our responsibility to meet the other person's needs—not quid pro quo, not "you'll get what you want when you give me." That is not love.

The One Exception

Paul's exhortation is in the present imperative—a continual action, not just something for newlyweds. The word "power" comes from exousia, meaning jurisdiction or authority. When we say "I do," we place our bodies and emotional lives under our spouse's authority.

Paul gives one exception for abstinence within marriage: "Defraud not one another, except it be with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to prayer, and come together again." Four principles govern it. There must be a start—mutual agreement; one spouse cannot unilaterally declare it. There must be a clear duration—an agreed-upon time, not indefinitely "until I say so." There must be a specific focus—prayer, turning attention to the Lord. And there must be a clear end, when the two come together again, lest the lack of that ending create real danger of moving toward immorality.

Notice that Paul calls withholding intimacy "defrauding"—robbery. Why? You are not your own; you gave yourself to your spouse. This pictures our relationship with God: when we became Christians we were bought with a price, and we rob God when we use ourselves for the immorality of the world.

Celibacy Is a Gift

Verses 6–7: "I speak this by permission and not of commandment. For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man has his proper gift of God." Paul is careful: his words answer a specific question, not a command of Scripture. He imparts wisdom based on Scripture. The Jews in Corinth would have struggled with this, since singleness grated against them culturally. Marriage is not commanded—but it is the norm.

Singleness is good when the single person is not consumed with the desire to marry or overcome by lust. Otherwise, it is better to marry than to burn. Paul wishes others could be as he was. Some say Paul was once married—because Sanhedrin members had to be—but there is no biblical evidence he was on the Sanhedrin, and he was likely too young. He was a disciple of Gamaliel. Whether he was a widower or his wife divorced him when he became a Christian, we cannot say; we only know he was single when he wrote this, and he saw it as a benefit.

The Time Is Short

Why did Paul value singleness here? The winds of persecution were stirring, and as he writes in 1 Corinthians 7:29, "the time is short." The Lord could return at any time. So his focus is to be engaged in the things of God. Yet he warns the married not to seek to be loosed from a wife. There was a teaching in Corinth that married people should divorce and become single for the Lord; Paul says, remain in the position you are in and serve the Lord.

Every man has his proper gift—to be married and serve his spouse as unto the Lord, or to be single and not consumed by it. If you are single, dedicate your singleness to the Lord. Seek first the kingdom of God, delight yourself in Him, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Yet so often the single person is most consumed with this—usually in junior high and high school. Go to camp with our high school and you know what I'm talking about.

A Gift to Offer Back

Paul recognized the benefits of singleness firsthand—unencumbered, free to travel and minister. Every married couple knows there were advantages to being single: less responsibility, freedom to move anywhere. Some of that is gone in marriage. But what a privilege to serve the Lord in marriage, to serve your spouse as unto the Lord and raise godly offspring.

I love what Jon Courson says about Genesis 2: when God brought all the animals before Adam, he saw they came in pairs but found no helper suitable for him. If Adam had gone looking on his own, he would have ended up with a big hairy ape—that's Jon Courson, not me. Instead, God put him to sleep and brought him his bride. By the power of the Holy Spirit, you can set your focus on the Lord and bring your singleness to Him, living unencumbered.

So flee sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18). If you are not ready to marry, it is not time to date—you will fall into sin, in the mind or physically. If you are married, do not withhold from your spouse—men, do not withhold emotional intimacy; women, do not withhold physical intimacy. Both marriage and celibacy are gifts. "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord," and to be celibate, as Paul says, is also a gift—offer it back to the Lord.

A Witness to a Confused Culture

What an amazing witness it would be if the church lived the scriptures. But the statistics are sad—the divorce rate among Christians is as high as in the world, and that has to change. During the Prop 8 debate I was brokenhearted to hear some opposing it say, "They've done such a bad job with marriage, we could do better." That should hit us to the heart, because in some way we have to admit we have done a poor job of exemplifying what God has called us to. May we regain the upper hand and show our society the very picture God intended—marriage as a mutually serving relationship of united individuals in Christ.

Closing Prayer

Father, your word is living and powerful, and certainly it cuts us to the heart. But Lord, sometimes we need certain things cut out of our lives. We thank you that you are delicate in wielding the sword. Help us to also be delicate when we use your word in sharing it with others. Speak to us in the stillness of our hearts as we go from here today. If in any way we have been failing in the principles we see here in 1 Corinthians 7, work by your Spirit to convict us, and then sanctify and cleanse us by the washing of the water of your word. May that cleansing continue as we go from here, and would you shine brightly through your church, Lord, as a bride without spot or blemish. For we ask it in Jesus' name. Amen.